Reply to Accepted ED but ex refuses to help pay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles? [/quote]

It’s just you. How is this a men’s rights issue anyway?[/quote]

No, it’s not just that poster. I recognize the language of the men’s rights activists. I also note that OP never said she wouldn’t pay anything. She just asked what to do about her child’s father refusing to pay anything.

I’ve known deadbeat dads who wanted their ex-BILs and ex-SILs to pay for their kids education b/c they’ve decided that their ex-in-laws have money and should pay.  There are more entitled deadbeats out there than people realize. [/quote]

You are not a deadbeat for not paying for college.  Many married, divorced and single parents don't pay because they cannot afford it or don't want to.  This is not a deadbeat situation  A deadbeat is when a parent is ordered to pay child support and they don't pay it.  Anything over age 18/after graduation from college is voluntary.  OP isn't giving any real information about the entire situation including incomes, other responsibilities, how much he is paying in support and extra's, how much each parent can afford/willing to pay and how much the child will pay (summer earnings).

She is also refusing to pay from the minimum information provided.  She expected financial aid, they didn't get it and is now demanding that Dad fully pay.

We don't know Dad's side.  [/quote]

Yes, we DK the dad's side, but the dad SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIS DAUGHTER HE WASN'T GOING TO PAY FOR COLLEGE [b]WAY BEFORE[/b] HE SIGNED THE FAFSA FORM AND, IF NOT THEN, DEFINITELY WHEN HE SIGNED IT A FEW MONTHS AGO. That's part of being a parent, having hard conversations with your kid. Yes, he is not obligated to pay but any parent worth their salt should have told the kid once they saw the kid was on a college track about what they would/not handle for college. The dad owed that to the kid.[/quote]
Filling out the FAFSA doesn’t obligate someone to pay for any school. It gets sent to whatever schools are entered. We sent it to 15 once. 
I would argue, in fact filling out the FAFSA is making it clear the parent CANT AFFORD that school, otherwise they wouldn’t be asking for aid. [/quote]

You are BEYOND DENSE, BEYOND DENSE. Nowhere above did I write "filling out the FAFSA obligates the father to pay for school." What I wrote is that the child was OWED a conversation about what the dad would/not provide for college. Some parents might use completion of the FAFSA form to clarify what they see as their obligations. A more forwarding thinking parent would have had the conversation once they saw that their child was an exceptional student and may want to pursue an undergrad degree at an Ivy. If this student got into Cornell, then that possibility was probably fairly clear by the start of HS, if not earlier.

Also, FAFSA indicates the estimated family contribution (EFC). Unless the dad is wholly, wholly ignorant of how federal aid works, there is a strong possibility that the kid's EFC was not going to be zero. When I was in college long ago, believe the EFC was a minimum $500.

There should now be a "parental contribution" for all kids headed to college in which the parent explains what, if anything, they will be paying for college NO LATER than signing the FAFSA form, preferably in middle school/start of HS.[/quote]
Nah you are far over simplifying things and only hearing OPs version. She is literally saying he “makes more” and not mentioning her contribution - OP needs to step up, too. I believe Cornell requires the CSS, so to say that FAFSA will give him the EFC and he should expect that is not really on point since they use the CSS. Filing the FAFSA tells you very little - much less than you make it out to be. Our EFC didn’t match the final numbers the schools came back with anyways.

Telling a middle schooler what you can contribute is like play money. They have no concept. Even high schoolers struggle with it because it all just sounds like a lot to them. The REAL money talks for us happened when they saw the offers from multiple schools to compare them. I agree parents should give some indication if we can afford in-state public, the sky’s the limit, that kind of thing as soon as possible.

Anyways, you sound entitled and like you haven’t actually been through the financial aid process recently. [/quote]

Hilarious. Don't think I have ever seen someone call another person entitled,[b] then immediately refer to their financial aid status and that if it wasn't recent, then it was invalid. [/b]

My parents told me at 9 or 10, sometime after I had asked "what is college?," that they would not be paying for it because they had no extra money, absolutely none. I received some modest merit scholarships through the college, but the bulk of my BA was paid for through federal/state grants, including Pell, and loans. My EFC was $500 for at least two of my four years of college and my parents generally managed to scrape that together for the beginning of the semester.

Yes, telling a middle schooler about what the parent will cover in college may be akin to talking about play money, but that is why a parent continues to have that conversation and that it evolves as the kid matures. Signing the FAFSA form was the perfect opportunity for the dad to say what he would/not pay for it if he had not already done so.

Waiting until there are multiple offers can be helpful, but if a parent knows that there is no way that they will pay for a private university, then that should have been addressed up front. PP, you even acknowledged: "I agree parents should give some indication if we can afford in-state public, the sky’s the limit, that kind of thing as soon as possible."[/quote]
Financial aid has changed a lot since you went to college. I could tell from your response it was your own experience. Especially since some of it was incorrect of lacking essential info like the css profile. No reason to be so defensive. [/quote]

Filing the CSS profile or not doesn't change what appears to be the father's failure to be clear about his expectations about paying for college. FWIW, the college I attended still doesn't use CSS. And not clear to me how my response is "lacking essential info." A parent shouldn't need to complete CSS/FAFSA etc to have an adult convo with his DC on college finances. But if he does need prompts, then completing those forms would be a good one.[/quote]
Why does signing a FAFSA/CSS hold so much impact for you?
What should matter is who signed the ED agreement?  All these colleges make a parent sign stating they understand the financial impact. Who signed that? That’s the person to look to. [/quote]

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