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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The suggestion that in 2021, you need a sahw to fully allow a man to fully succeed in his career.... ? What world do you ladies live in?  Is this what you tell yourselves to justify your set ups?

I'm a partner in big law. Yes, twenty years ago the male partners all had sahws.  Not any more.  I look around my immediate team, and the partners' wives are: counsel for a major corporation (probably making $400k), counsel for a smaller company (makes $240k), special needs therapist, medical research doctor running a fancy national research program, G15 type job at state department, trophy wife and trophy wife.  The two trophy wife guys are both in their 60s and close to retirement.  Everyone else is 40s and 50s.  These guys work a ton, but are all involved in their kids and outsource appropriately at home.  Having someone at home folding their underwear is not remotely a necessity for their professional success.  No matter what you tell yourself.

I'm sure posters will respond and say that we don't all make high salaries like that. But the whole point of your argument is that your staying home supports your husband's career trajectory. So I assume he's making at least $300k. Most men making that kind of income statistically are married to women with equal income potential.  You ladies just opted out.

Men making $200k a year rarely have sahws in hcol areas like dc.    Most families all across america have two working parents. No one needs a sahw.

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Instead of a SAH spouse, you hired a nanny, gardner, housekeeper and others to do the work at home.  How is it any different?  Only difference is kids benefit from having a parent at home vs. being raised by a nanny who is a stranger.

Being big law and a high level working spouse, how many hours a week do you spend with your kids?  Do you help with the homework every night?  Cook them dinner?  Take them to activities?  Do bath, bedtime?  Play with them?  Teach them to read? [/quote]

My husband and I both work high level jobs, but we have flexibility. Pick up kids from school, play with them, teach them to read, homework duty, home cooked family dinner every night, chauffeur to play dates and activities.

When they were younger I WAH with a nanny, I flexed my hours so nanny covered mostly nap times. Then when they were half day preschool age, dad did drop off and I saw them at lunch. Nap with nanny and an hour or two of playtime then we were back. I know many other couples in our situation — doctors, lawyers, professors, etc. WAH is being normalized and flexible hours also. When your kids sleep 7-7 it’s easy to put in time when they are asleep and see them a lot. Now the ones in elementary still sleep 10 hours but they are in school until 4:30. So it does not have to be the impossible thing people make it out to be. Depends on your career path.[/quote]

Mine never slept that much but when you have a nanny till 5-6pm and they go to bed at 7 you are not seeing them as much as you want to believe.   The difference is you are a high earner where you can afford a nanny and still bring home money.  If you made $60-80k, could you have done the nanny and bring money home.   Having a full time nanny makes the difference but why pay someone as much as you earn to care for your kids when you can yourself.   Many don’t make your income.  [/quote]

You seem pretty attached to your narrative, so you probably don’t care that it doesn’t fit all. But you should at least get that childcare is both parent’s responsibility, the cost of childcare does not come out of one paycheck but should be considered as split 50/50 between both. Many women make that mistake when considering the trade offs.

I was lucky to be able to WAH for the first year of both my kid’s lives. I nursed on demand and saw every milestone. Due to COVID I have been WAH for almost two years now without childcare. One kid did not attend preschool the first year of the pandemic so we flexed our hours to be with them. Now I am able to do pick up at 12 and my spouse and I switch off afternoons. Pre-COVID when the kids were preschool age, our nanny was off by 4 or 4:30. I saw them at lunch, and I also would take mornings off to go to classes with them. I know other working parents who had similar schedules. Often the more senior you are the more you can make your own hours. Depends on the career, but it’s not the black and white thing you are making it out to be. There are a lot more options nowadays, I have seen a lot of arrangements from full SAHP to the kind of rigid hours you describe but many more fall somewhere in the middle.

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You are stuck on your narrative.  You had a full time nanny.  Just because one parent is home does not mean the other is not involved.  You have a high paying job which makes a huge difference.  Why work yo pay a nanny your entire salary?  It makes zero sense.  Most people don’t have flexible jobs. I didn’t which was one of many reasons I quit.   [/quote]

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