Reply to Going no screens on a vacation

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Going no screens on a vacation"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Two, or even three, things can be true at the same time:

1. Taking a “no outside contact” vacation is good and healthy for individuals and relationships.
2. The person who is accustomed to daily contact and will not be getting it can have a hard time with that.
3. A mother can want to talk directly to her son (that she is accustomed to talking to one-on-one daily) to understand the decison.  And to hopefully hear from him why it is important and why she shouldn’t worry.

[/quote]

#3 is the only point I disagree with. Again it goes back to why does a married couple owe MIL an explanation as to why? DIL already stated that they are doing no screen times for both sides of the family and friends for 2 weeks. The son and his wife is an adult who can make decisions for themselves without them needing to run it by mommy or giving mommy an explanation for it. They don't owe her a why. Again them being a married couple who makes decisions for themselves and all.

Isn't the bigger concern here that mother can't let her son breathe and go 2 weeks without talking to him clearly there are enmeshment issues on mom's end here. What is their to worry about? Again we are assuming son doesn't have any major health issues at play as I'm sure OP would have mentioned that in her original post.

I understand MIL is used to daily contact with her son but that doesn't mean they are out of line for setting the boundaries now. MIL just has to deal with their decision and get over it. Their relationship as a married couple comes before the mother/son relationship.

I'm baffled that some people on here thinks the mother is entitled to her son justifying their decision to her or to in a sense get her permission or that she is even an owed an explanation in the first place.

For a normal health mother/son relationship the correct response and normal response should and would be ok guys I will miss talking to you son but I understand that you guys want to connect as a married couple without interruptions but I can't wait to hear all about your trip when you get back.[/quote]

This response seems like I blur two of the three things.  I didn’t at all imply that the couple is “out of line” for the no contact plan.  In fact, I affirmed it.

What I said was that a mother can want a conversation with her son to understand it better.  I agree of course that if push came to shove the son should “choose” his wife.  But that is not the situation.  The situation is one in which this man has had an obviously very “enmeshed” relationship with his mother for a long time.  They have, and are not necessarily wrong to have, an independent relationship.  In my mind, the fact that a person is married does not mean they have no distinct relationships or agency.  The man can have a conversation with his mother to assuage her concerns (whether warranted or not) without backing down or betraying the marriage. [/quote]

It can become a slippery slope though because once the son opens up that can of worms of assuaging his mother's concerns it opens up to his mother trying to get him to back down on the agreement or to make him feel guilty which isn't healthy. I disagree that it's not betraying the marriage in a sense because where will it end? If the son coddles his mom and pacifies his mom on this issue what about the next issue? Soon he may have to justify or explain every marriage decision to his mother and that isn't a good precedent to set.

There are no concerns to be had. This is a perfectly healthy and normal things many couples do especially given the fact the DIL isn't applying it just to his side of the family but also her side as well.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics