Reply to S/O Has demanding sex ever actually worked for anyone?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Other way around. I told DH that we weren't having enough sex. While he seemed content and with little interest, I was not very happy. I told him how displeased and unsatisfied I was. It did manage to turn things around and he's making more of an effort to initiate. We've both made adjustments.

So yes, it does work when one party communicates with the other party. If you're not happy, why would you keep it to yourself?[/quote]

+1.  I find it odd that so many people here think the issue shouldn't be discussed and, to the extent its a dealbreaker, to let your partner know.[/quote]

I mentioned in one of these threads that communicating this to my wife was actively counterproductive. In addition to the existing reasons for not wanting to have sex with me (her body image issues, hormones, lack of novelty in a long-term marriage) now she had the pressure of knowing that I was not happy with our sex life which added to her lack of libido. And, when she did have sex with me, it wasn't as good because I now had the suspicion she might just be doing it out of a sense of obligation. [/quote]

Women don’t care that much about novelty. If anything, the love and trust that grow with your sense of familiarity with your spouse enhances both the amount and quality of sex. 
[/quote]

I can't cite anything at the moment, so maybe I'm wrong, but I thought studies tended to show that women grew bored with sex more rapidly than men while in long term relationships.  [/quote]

+1 of course women crave novelty. what a ridiculous statement.[/quote]

Yeah this is completely off base. My husband is attractive and nice and we have sex because I feel obligated to and it makes him happy. Honestly, though, the lack of novelty and excitement that comes with a new partner leaves me completely bored and I have no drive when it comes to him. I fantasize about other men regularly. [/quote]

Trust me your husband feels the same way. The lack of novelty and excitement rests on your shoulders, not just his. [/quote]

Maybe so but not sure what to do when it’s not the novelty of new sex acts that I want, but the novelty of a new person and DH is completely against opening up the relationship.

I think some people are under the mistaken impression that women are turned on by the stability and security of a long term marriage and don’t want to be with someone new the way it is assumed men do. [/quote]

Wow.  My husband married the wrong woman.  He is always trying to get me to try swinging or have a threesome with another man.  I like sex with DH, but I’m really not interested in having sex with anyone else.  [/quote]

Sorry, you married a deviant which will cause you problems down the road. He is showing who he is, believe him.[/quote]

Oh, I knew he was a sexual deviant when I married him.  That’s one of the things I like about him.  
I just don’t want to have sex with other men.  Apparently, a lot of women crave novelty, and he just chose badly.  Poor DH.  [/quote]

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