Reply to Why can't men [my DH] multitask????

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Why can't men [my DH] multitask????"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Right. And what you described is a tremendous amount of work. [b]Women take in this immense role of teaching the kids without hitting[/b], because let’s be honest….the formula of “3 year old whines = smack” is alot easier than what you described. And men just check out of that process in many cases. Add in unrealistic workplace expectations, food prep and cleaning and it’s a formula for never ending stress.[/quote]

I am the PP who grew up in the 60s and 70s who was routinely hit by relatives, babysitters, and schoolteachers. Just FYI the majority of the adults who hit us back then [i]were women[/i]. This is as you would expect, because back then, men were at work and most of the adults who were around kids were women. The dysfunction in these women was exactly what another PP observes in her husband - these women got impatient, struggled to remember how inexperienced the kids were (or didn't care), got enraged at anything less than perfect compliance, and quickly resorted to smacking us rather than try to figure out how to exert their authority effectively without violence. I don't see this as a particularly male pathology at all.

Even today, I bet if I recounted to my mom or aunt some actions of theirs that, in retrospect, clearly crossed the line into physical abuse, I bet they'd find some way to justify and rationalize it.[/quote]

Those are good points. I would say that it’s women who read the parenting books and absorb the new advice. Men have internalized modern bourgeoisie parenting to nearly the same degree. Of course, there didn’t used to be so much advice. The idea that children have rights is new, just a little newer than the concept of human rights in general.

So to review:

Women often work full time jobs and have kids
Women do the bulk of the emotional labor including absorbing intensive parenting advice and putting it into practice. 
Women do the bulk of food prep. 
Women do the bulk of the cleaning.

It’s no wonder we’re all stressed.

don’t have any workable solutions but I think returning to single earner families would make this more realistic. But that’s not going to happen. It’s no surprise that the birth rate is catering world wide. [/quote]

Single earner families don't solve the problem. I never wanted to be the default SAHP. I like working for more than just the income. I outsourced a lot and refused to do a lot. My house is clean but always messy and hasn't been remodeled in 15 years. No time or interest. What I care about is my kids' wellbeing and my career. Other people can cook and decorate if it's their thing.[/quote]

Yup, totally the same PP. You attempt to (1) have a career, (2) raise kids, and (3) have a lovely, well-functioning household--but really you can at most do two of the list without complete burnout. As to (3), I have also refused to do a lot, outsourced a lot, and have a husband who's at least "25%-er" as another poster put it, and yet I barely manage the first two priorities. I have just accepted that a lovely, well-functioning house is just not in the cards. I'm (mostly) OK with that.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics