Reply to Any way to disinvite a cousin from an annual beach reunion

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[quote=Anonymous]Given the long history, I definitely think that it's worth having a conversation with cousin before you go nuclear. Establish some new rules:

1. All food/drink is communal. At the beginning of the trip, everyone puts $300 cash (or whatever amount is necessary) into a jar and grocery purchases, dinners, take-out, etc. come out of that. If/when the jar is empty, everyone recontributes. A large grocery/beer run is made at the beginning of the trip - each family must send one adult on the run. Or place a delivery order.

2. Everyone is responsible for their own laundry. (How long are you going that you need to do laundry anyway? If you make this trip only a week a lot of these rules will be easier)

3. Each couple gets one date night (or afternoon, or whatever) -- they go out while the other 2 couples stay home with all kids.

4. Defined jobs for the whole trip. For example, when getting ready for the beach, parents 1 and 2 are responsible for sunscreen, parent 3 packs snacks for all, parent 4 packs the adult cooler, parent 5 makes sure all kids use the bathroom and put shoes on, and parent 6 loads the car. Everyone has the same job every day. You can also assign dish duty, toy cleanup, whatever else you need to stay sane.

5. No working at the beach house. Take vacation or stay home.

6. Plan all dinners before you go. Make liberal use of take-out.

As for some of the other stuff, I'd just speak plainly to her about it. "Jane, we really need you and Bob to pitch in more. If you are standing in the kitchen and a kid wanders in asking for a snack, you need to hand them a banana."

I also suspect some of this might come a little easier as her kid(s) age -- if her (first?) kid is only 1, she's just not used to some of this stuff yet. In my family I have the oldest kids, so yeah, I just do whatever my nieces and nephews need. On the other hand my brother doesn't have kids, so he's more uncertain and always checking with us -- can I give him this cracker? can I take her for a walk? And things like making sure the kids use the bathroom before leaving the house don't really dawn on him.

But, also, your cousin definitely sounds like she's on the lazy side, so I wouldn't assume aging kids will solve all the problems. That's why you need to talk to her and put down some really clear, firm rules.

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