Reply to Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do you want, absolution? You moved overseas and weren't able to spend time with your parents when they were ailing and dying. It's done. The reason people are suggesting therapy is because you are obviously not at peace with how things went down. You came from a distant, unsupportive family and were yourself distant from your parents. Your father was too stubborn to accept help, and it sounds like you married a somewhat rigid and inflexible man yourself. A therapist can help you unpack this stuff and move on.[/quote]

You clearly didn't read or understand my posts. 
The 3 years that my Dad was ill I went home to visit and help him as much as I could, to the best of my abilities. Sometimes DH came with me to help, but usually I went on my own. I once spent 7 weeks with my Dad on unpaid leave.

I did the same when Mum was ill and I spent the last 6 or 7 weeks of her life with her, by her hospital bed. I was there when she passed.

Technically I COULD have moved back home when my parents were ailing but practically speaking that was never an option. I would have lost my job overseas and I would have needed a new job near my parents, eating away time I could have spent with them. We're not made of money, you know.

Many of you here ask why I was so mad at my relatives. Some of them told me they were too 'busy' to do more for my Dad in my absence. 
I found out that their definition of 'busy' meant busy going to the salon, busy getting their nails done, busy playing tennis, busy meeting friends and busy going to BBQs. 
Meanwhile, when I was with my Dad I was busy cleaning his house, scrubbing floors, washing and ironing his clothes, cooking food and emptying his chamber pot. And while I considered these to be my duties, my definition of 'busy' is somewhat different than that of my relatives.[/quote]

Sorry but, you don't get to define what others consider busy.  Are you planning on helping your cousins' parents when they are sick and dying?  If no, than you need to shut up.[/quote]

[b]Your comparison with my cousins' parents doesn't make sense. My aunts and uncles live in my hometown, I live overseas[/b]. My Dad lived in my hometown and so do most of my relatives. Some live around the corner. Wouldn't you visit an ailing relative who lives 10 minutes away?

Since my Dad died one of my cousins moved overseas too, to the other side of the globe. He moved there to be with the woman he loved. They're married now and settled in her country. He visits his 70+ year old parents once a year. What do you think about that?
At least I made more of an effort.[/quote]

You CHOSE to live overseas.  You CHOSE to continue to live overseas even after your mom died and your dad struggled.  You have many excuses about how you didn't choose, but yes, you did.  Fine, but that in no way makes your extended family required to fill your role for your parent.  Sorry.  It doesn't.  [/quote]

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