Reply to Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think anyone in your story did anything wrong (you’re entitled to your life!) but it’s obnoxious of you to wanted family to take over the job you wouldn’t do. And if it’s a competition you were clearly more selfish than more distant relatives who didn’t step up to play caregiver. [/quote]

OP here. DH and I did whatever we could to help my Dad. Being a caregiver is hard when you're in a different country from the person who needs the care.

What was I meant to do? Leave my husband, my home and my job abroad and move back in with Dad? It's not that simple.
I made the decision to move abroad when I was 27. Little did I know that my parents would get sick and die so quickly.

Of course I didn't expect my family to take over the bulk of the care. But they wouldn't even go check on him, or pick up the phone to ask if he needed anything.[/quote]

Yes, you could have moved home to care for him, or moved him to care for him. You set your own boundaries. So did they. They did nothing wrong. Likewise you made your choices. [/quote]

OP here. Moving back home to live with Dad was not an option. What about my job? My husband? DH had his own career and he didn't want leave his country. Also, his own parents (much older than mine) were ageing and his Dad wasn't in good health.

DH and I visited my Dad as often as we could, sometimes every other weekend. I once stayed with Dad for 7 weeks on unpaid leave when he was sick.

Moving Dad to live with us was no option either. Dad was very independent and could be quite stubborn. He didn't want to leave his house.[/quote]

Yes, you COULD HAVE disrupted your and your DH’s and your children’s lives to do this. You understandably chose not to. You made your choices, which were reasonable. Your extended family made their own choices, which were reasonable. But for some reason you’re mad at them. I think it’s because you’re actually mad at yourself. [/quote]

Disrupting my and DH's lives was not an option when we had a mortgage to pay. DH didn't want to leave his country. He will never leave his country.

[b]Yes, I was mad at my relatives. They could have gone to check on my Dad. They could have phoned him to see how he was doing. Some relatives said they were 'busy. Coming back from abroad every weekend to look after Dad wasn't sustainable for me.[/b]

I guess I am also mad at myself. But when you're 27 and single, you don't think about the distant future. I took my chances and moved abroad. Bright lights big city and all that.[/quote]

He was not their Dad.  He was your Dad.  Your "anger" is immature, entitled and misplaced.[/quote]

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