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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you didn't think this through at all. You thought you could marry a man with minor children, and you could somehow keep your families separate from your marriage? You and your DH are both deeply selfish. Why get married at all, then? If you keep your finances separate, then why live in the same home?

[b]It seems like this is about money but it's actually about family. [/b]When you marry someone, that person becomes your family. Their family becomes your family. Trust me, I am reminded of it every time I have to deal with my ILs. And a minor child is a more important family relationships than any adult IL. This isn't about not having enough money to send your daughter to some fancy private college. I went to my instate university and have zero regrets -- I graduated without debt and it was what my family could afford. MY FAMILY. My siblings were in the same boat.

She will likely resent you for this, and just remember it's not about the money. [b]It's about being excluded from your changed circumstances.[/b] She has already had to deal with her parents divorcing, her mother remarrying. And now [b]she is reminded at every turn that her mother's new family isn't really her family.[/b] You did this on your own.

Don't be surprised when she stops coming home, starts skipping holidays and summers, just drops a phone call on your birthday or Mother's Day instead of visiting or sending a card or gift. You moved on. Now she will too.[/quote]

This.  It's not really about the money, or the daughter's sense of entitlement to the money.  It's about the way that her daughter is on the outside of her own family.  The money is a proxy for these issues.[/quote]

These are your chickens coming home to roost. You need to have a conversation with your husband. You should have had it years ago so you could plan properly. Your daughter is not a part of either family and this situation is everything converging.[/quote]

Why did you get married rather than just live together?  It sounds like your daughter is a hard worker and you’ve taken away her chance of receiving financial aid to marry someone who you apparently can’t even just TALK to about this topic?  I know people in your situation and they lived together to avoid issues like this one.  You need to talk to your husband and figure this out.  It’s not fair to your daughter to be counted in a high-income household  when she doesn’t have access to any of that money.[/quote]

Also I’m the PP and I forgot to add that I gave the +3 because I think it’s not really about the money for the daughter, it’s about being treated like a second class citizen.  But I still think as her mother you are obligated to talk to DH to try and figure out a plan for her college that’s reasonable given your household circumstances.[/quote]

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