Reply to S/o outsourcing cleaning as a relationship fix

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
The conflict is that you are both hungry, but neither of you wants to prepare food.  
You could solve it by your method of talking and talking about why each of you don’t want to cook, why the other person should cook, and eventually come to a resolution.  
Or, you could solve it my way, and just order takeout.

Both ways solve the proble

[b]The other thing you can do is create a conflict where there isn’t one and insist that everyone needs to have a meal prepared at home every day, so either he can cook half the time, or you can do it all of the time and resent the hell out of him.  [/b] Frankly, this is the path I see a lot of women take.  [/quote]

I guess the way I see it is that a house has to be cleaned (much like you have to eat). A husband saying, I know the house has to be cleaned but I'm not going to clean it so it's your problem to deal with, and the wife then having to be the one to either (1) clean it or (2) hire a maid I think is crap. The husband saying, I know the house has to be cleaned and I don't want to clean it so either (1) you can clean it or (2) we can hire a maid is not a problem. Because then the wife can decide what she wants to do. But it seems like in many of the posts (and not all in this thread, so it's not fair of me to assume that you've read those as well), the husband seemed to think that cleaning the house was a problem that was entirely the wife's. I guess in my mind there is no conflict if both parties agree that they will support the other's choice regarding the house. We have a maid so I've never felt like there is conflict in our relationship about cleaning, but perhaps I misinterpreted what the poster was saying. [/quote]

Does the couple in your example have separate finances?  I don’t really see the difference between “hire a maid,” and “we can hire a maid.”  
I guess that the difference is in what happens when your housekeeper is on vacation or if she quits, but i have never seen a post where people are complaining that their spouse isn’t helping when the housekeeper is out of town.  
Most posts are women getting this tunnel that *they* have to do everything (because their mothers did), and not widening their view enough to see other possible solutions.  .   [/quote]

I didn't make a distinction between "hire a maid" and "we hire a maid." I made a distinction between "this is your problem, wife" and "here is my suggested solution to the cleaning problem."[/quote]

I do see what you are saying here, but even if that’s the case, I still think hiring a housekeeper (or getting more takeout, sending out laundry, hiring a mowing service, etc), will fix the underlying relationship issue.  
My husband was like this when he got his first high paying job.  I was pregnant with our third child, and when we moved for his job, I picked up part time work.  He thought that the house stuff should all fall to me, and that he was too important to have to fold laundry.  
I ended up hiring a housekeeper, and cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, etc became her job.  And we split what was leftover.  
Now, 10 years later, he would never consider this stuff my job.  It’s the housekeeper’s job.  I have my own paid job and children to parent.

When we moved again, he hired a cleaning company to come twice a week and helped out with laundry until we found another regular housekeeper.  
[/quote]

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