Reply to Girlfriend Wants To Get Engaged Before Moving In

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I definitely want to marry. I thought the normal next steps were to move in, live together for 3-6 months, and get engaged. She is not “ an option”. I would ever live with someone I didn’t intend to marry. I can see it from her perspective now after reading the replies.[b] I was always taught that you need to live with someone to see if you’re really compatible, and breaking up is easier than calling off an engagement. Now I know. [/b]

I want her to feel certain that this is the real deal. I want her to feel secure and know that we will get married. I will start looking at rings. I don’t want to lose her over something dumb since I planned to propose in the fall anyway. [/quote]

The answer to feeling certain this is the real deal is making it the real deal, and you seem to have come to that conclusion.  Nice job listening to people who don’t see it your way and understanding that perspective, it will be a vital asset in a successful marriage.  I wish you every happiness![/quote]

OP, think logically here. Do you not see the fallacy in this advice?

How would moving in together for 3-6 months help you "see if you're really compatible?"  You don't think that both parties would be viewing that time as a probationary period, and both be on their best behavior? I can promise you that if you're looking for a reason to bail during this 3-6 months, you will find one and conversely, if you are looking to convince yourself that it's the right thing to do, you can do that as well.

Good marriages are not made based on this elusive "compatibility."  They are based on commitment.  You make a real commitment - get engaged and get married - and THEN you live together and work out the details. Assuming you are not marrying a total psycho - which should reveal itself in the dating period, if you're paying attention -- "compatibility" is not a factor. You like to sleep in, she's an early bird. You like Asian take-out, she likes Mexican. So what? Is this the kind of "compatibility issues" that you think living together is going to solve?

I wish you all the best. It sounds like you've found a great gal.[/quote]

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