Reply to Does you relationship change if you stay home ( for moms)?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes.  As a SAHM in all parameters my life improved.  I am happy and grateful about how well my kids are doing and the quality of my marriage. There is no addiction, adultery and abuse in our family and we are financially well off. DH is a very good, equal, loving and appreciative partner and has no problem in taking on a lot of domestic responsibilities too. He treats me with respect and credits me with the successes in our family. I was able to help out providing support to members of our extended family too. We were just a lot more reselient as a family and could take on more.

I retained my cleaning lady from my WOHM days and then had her coming two times a week for doing other chores - food prep, help with yard, laundry, organization etc.  I think that was the best thing I did to minimize any resentment on my part to do household chores, and at the same time have the house humming smoothly for the family. I credit having help as a huge impact in our happiness.
My kids ended up doing a lot of ECs, being very involved in all opportunities at school and really excelling. They are on a very good trajectory in life and we are very proud of them. I was able to provide them with a good social life, normalcy and a lot of emotional security 
Our sexlife became super hot and we really have become the a more bonded and loving couple. Our net-worth and HHI increased because DH was able to go back to school and get more credentials.  We have become more resilient as a family and every member is supported.

More than that, we have become very grateful for our lives. We saw marriages of two close friends destroyed (a SAHM and a WOHM, both cheated on their DHs), family became messy and kids are acting out and really doing poorly. [b]At our age, early 50s, we want to preserve what we have instead of seeing our family, finances, standing in society, shattered.[/b] So we have found new ways to remain healthy and we prioritize one another over everyone else. We are at a very good place and I believe we have loved our journey and our accomplishments.  Not saying that this is the only formula that works for everyone, but for us this has worked very well. We are ok financially and we have safeguards in place. My husband feels he is a success in all ways - career and family. I feel my success is all the human connections I have made and people I have helped - my own family, the volunteer organization I help out in and all the people around me that I have been able to help.

As a young woman, I was paranoid about being vulnerable and dependent on anyone for money. For me, earning a paycheck was very important because I felt my husband would not respect me otherwise and the power dynamics would shift.  This was a valid concern and even now I will advice women to be financially dependent because you never know how your husband will behave or what life will bring you.  Thankfully, in the case of DH and I, our equation did not change because I stayed home.  I credit him to a great extent in my easy and comparatively effortless success as a mom, wife and a good human being.

The pandemic made us realize that our path was fantastic for us. I have one kid working from home, 1 kid applying to college, a husband who is in a job that is touching millions of life and we are thankful and life is still going on well, even with some challenges that we have faced. As for my own self-respect? I feel venerated in a pivotal role in our family and  know that I was able to do well in my role as the glue that binds everyone together.  I feel pretty good about myself.

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Standing in society 🙄 [/quote]

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