Reply to Seeing OPP (other people’s parenting) up close

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Seeing OPP (other people’s parenting) up close"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. To PP scapegoat-can you recommend a book or something? I feel so seen. Thank you for weighing in. [/quote]

PP here. I don’t have any book about this specifically, sorry. I read various things on emotional awareness from a spiritual point of view like Tara Brach and Gary Zukav but that’s really general (and not sure if it would resonate with you). This is more just from me observing my own emotional reactions over the years and trying to get some clarity on where and why I get hung up.

It makes sense that if you’re rejected by your primary attachment figures you would spend your whole life trying to win them back. The blame you absorbed for the disconnect and dysfunction in your family leaves you feeling ambivalent — insecure and wondering if you’re deeply flawed, but also angry and resentful. Longing for love and also fighting the injustice that left you exiled. No one took responsibility in your family for themselves and that’s why you are trying so hard to take responsibility. That’s the dance you need to disengage from. In your relationship with your family of origin, pay attention to when those old feelings arise and try and figure out how to be authentic and truthful about your feelings. That’s the beginning of healing and truly distancing yourself from these patterns, because all you can be responsible for is yourself. This also stops you from enabling them. Being very honest with yourself as you did by saying, no I don’t want to go unless we leave at 8. And not being sucked into the guilt and blame, either way — not blaming them but just being clear with yourself about your own feelings and needs and making decisions that honor those.

You are in a healthy place now, with your children who love you and it sounds like a rich and full life. Wishing you healing, and most of all the knowledge that there’s nothing wrong with who you are — you’re fine just as you are! So too is your sister, and hopefully her journey takes her to a place of self-acceptance. Hugs to you.[/quote]

Op here. I’ve been compiling all your thoughts and saving them-just so helpful. You’re articulating things I know, and have known for so long, but have never had good language to explain. I’m so grateful for your time on this. This has been more helpful than any therapy session. I really appreciate your work to help a stranger out. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics