Reply to Seeing OPP (other people’s parenting) up close

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Seeing OPP (other people’s parenting) up close"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^Ignore that poster, OP.  Your stance re hiking in that heat is extremely reasonable. I do share other’s confusion about why you actually want to maintain a relationship with your sister, though. Was she a nice person to be around in the past? Hard to imagine she was functional before given the nightmare you are describing here. [/quote]

Op here. I think I’ve just been slow to accept the situation. And we live far apart from each other.

I think one other aspect of this, if anyone is familiar with dysfunctional families, is our mother has narcissistic personality disorder. My sister is the golden child and I’m the scape goat. I’m estranged from my mother and was also estranged from my sister for several years.

Sister and mom had a falling out a couple of years ago. I sort of thought that maybe things in the family dynamic with my sister could shift because of that.[/quote]

Well, if you’re the scapegoat you probably are invested subconsciously in trying to prove that you are blameless and lovable which would explain the odd attachment to this situation. No doubt there is a lot to weather here... but you seem emotionally to be walking on eggshells while also presenting an accommodating facade and also harboring some resentment.

I don’t know but probably some distance would help everyone. I understand wanting to make this “go well” as it is your only chance at family, but do you see that even if you were magically able to fix your sister’s parenting stress that would not make this relationship something you could depend on for nurturance and support?

Re: the parenting I would say that is the least of it and irrelevant. You have fixated on that because you are repeating a pattern of trying to take away someone’s stress so the interaction can be more satisfying for you.

That said, I personally think everyone judges each other’s parenting and no one can really say what it’s like to deal with that specific family situation unless you have been in it. We are big proponents of sleep training but we do eat healthy and don’t do screentime. Some might think that is high maintenance (but we aren’t as extreme as your sister), I personally wouldn’t want to deal with chronic constipation or screen addiction issues that other parents accept as part of the deals. There are pluses and cons to everything.[/quote]

Op here. Wow. Just wow. Are you Spirit Reader or something? I’m not being sarcastic. Your first and second paragraph nailed it.[/quote]

PP here. Lots of lifetimes as a scapegoat. Hi, friend.

I think we all have wake up calls to our own situation, and maybe this is yours.

The surprising thing is that when you let go of your end of the bargain, your sister will appear more sympathetic. She may also not have to act out her victimization and stress around you, leading finally to a better relationship. But the main thing is that you have to shift your focus from why she does X or Y and what you can do to help to your own feelings and patterns, seeking to better understand why you get caught in these loops. I have a lot of empathy for you as I understand you were not supported in your family and you have survived this to build a life you feel good about. Focus on that and meet your sister from that place. Good luck!

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics