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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread (and my own marriage) does make me wonder why open relationships aren't more common (maybe they are and I live in a bubble)? I love my husband, we have sex 1-2 times per week, but knowing exactly what's going to happen really takes the spice out of it. We try to mix it up from time to time but admittedly it's good, not amazing, most of the time. I don't remember if it was this thread or another but someone mentioned wanting a marriage sabbatical and that would truly be my dream. I love my husband, he is a wonderful partner, but I just want to mix it up with something hot and new without messing up our otherwise great life together (and I want that for him too). Do most open marriages fail/turn into a mess? Why aren't they more common?[/quote]

I'm in an open marriage. I don't know how common they are, but probably more so than you'd think. There is so much stigma around non-monogamy even when it's practiced ethically (just look at all the judgment and condemnation of open marriages on this board, not to mention the "won't somebody please think of the children????" hysteria) that many (most?) of us are just not willing to face the consequences of "coming out." Honestly, navigating ethical non-monogamy is really difficult emotionally and logistically, so I'm sure it's true that open marriages are more likely than monogamous marriages to fail/turn into a mess. The biggest mistake people make is opening the marriage in order to fix something. If your relationship is not in great shape to begin with, ethical non-monogamy will only make it worse. You have to start from a strong foundation. [/quote]

I don't judge negatively people who can make an open marriage work, but it would be an absolute train wreck for my marriage. [b]I'm not especially jealous by nature, but I'd resent the hell out of my wife making an effort to have sex with someone else when she hasn't shown much interest in me for a long time.[/b] And, despite not wanting to have sex with me very often, my wife would view my activities with another woman as disloyal -- and (mutual) loyalty is one of the things my wife values most in any relationship.

[/quote]

I am in the same boat as you, wife has zero interest now. But the way I look at it - I know she is going to go wild with a new man because she was wild with me before she got married and had kids. On the other hand, it's the only way I can ethically have a good sex life short of divorce and I don't want to do it to my kids.

We have discussed DADT, and in some ways I think that's the solution. Do what you want and I won't ask but don't be stupid enough to get caught.

Any of these options are better than being with a disinterested wife.[/quote]

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