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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a terrible shock after discovery of a 5-year hidden affair. Couldn't function at all and was an emotional mess for the first 6 months. I still can't talk to him, and we live separated in the same house only emailing or texting on what relates to our son. 
But I was able to dig myself out by 1) excluding all recreational alcohol - I noticed that red wine makes me terribly sad, if I am already sad and I couldn't sleep after drinking when I was so depressed 2) looking for a job and attending online classes. It's very difficult to concentrate, but the more effort I made, the better it was getting. I've had many unsuccessful interviews, especially in the beginning, but even those made me feel more in-demand, professional, talking with smart people. It was helping me to re-focus on something new.

Almost a year as I found out, and we are not divorced. I just calmly hate my exH, I consider him an abusive mental [b]and physical rapist (because the affairs are a form of rape)[/b]. But I can fully function and work on my future. [/quote]
What does this mean?[/quote]

NP.  Affairs are a form of rape because most people in a marriage are consenting to sex on the basis of monogamy. Sex by fraud or sex without informed consent is rape. Much like marital rape used to be, it is, at present, a form of non-prosecutable rape, but it is rape, nonetheless. [/quote]

What previous pp said exactly:

“I  literally was throwing up when I found out. I feel I was raped for many years, because if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wouldn't be sleeping with him! He took my sexual choices from me, and basically had sex with me without me being fully informed.”[/quote]

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