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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Am deciding whether to stay at home for 1-3 years with my baby as my maternity leave comes to a close. On one hand, I’ve read that the most brain development happens from age 1-3 and I love the idea of being able to interact with the baby as much as possible during this period as he learns so much. I can’t imagine anyone being as invested in his development as me. On the other hand, baby’s needs seem so simple during this period and likely could be easily outsourced to a well qualified nanny. Is there really any benefit to the baby if a mom stays at home during the early years? Not looking to debate what is best for mom re savings, career etc., just what is best for baby. [/quote]

I don't have any real advice. I stayed at home, I don't regret it, how can you really when it's your own child BUT financially, marriage, conversationally,  confidence, and identity wise you will take a BEATING. That is all.[/quote]
YOU took a beating. I didn’t. My identity was and is strong. I made time for my interests and met other really incredible moms who were equally as interesting and got to spend so many lovely days with them. We had the luxury of long afternoon conversations about things other than our babies or office life. It was obvious that the one or two moms I got snark from were just struggling with their own choices. Not that they wanted to be me, but one’s DH was super rigid about having a “power wife” or whatever who would also do all the heavy lifting at home. Like she was trying to live up to his ideal. Wonder how he’d behave if she got laid off or very ill. Another struggled mightily with anxiety to the point where she had a rigid meal plan for her toddler’s meals and looked down on anyone who wasn’t orthorexic and rigid with sleep training. Not my monkey, not my circus. It was a great 5 years.[/quote]

DP. I think this is a temperament thing. Many SAHMs have depression and anxiety because it’s a high burnout job, and may not be every woman’s aspiration. During the pandemic I’ve been lucky in that my job is very flexible and I’m senior enough to be able to control my hours. I have had a SAH experience with my youngest, including getting to know some awesome SAHMs via outdoor play dates. It is nice and relaxing to have a change of pace. For me personally though I find the lifestyle isn’t a good fit and has left me feeling aimless and depressed. I miss my work — it’s something I love and trained for a long time to do. Overall it’s fun baking and going to parks and having leisurely art time, but something is missing for me. I’m thankful every day that I did not choose to give up my career for this when my kids were younger and juggling was a struggle. My youngest will be in school FT within a year or two and then what would I do? It’s so personal and if being a mom is your passion that is great. If you have the luxury of choice then you need to be very honest and assess yourself objectively. Takes all kinds to make the world go around.[/quote]

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