Reply to Friend who shunned me when I divorced has gotten in touch

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn’t read all the replies, just wanted to say this: you said you’re in a good place now. Understandably this churns up some sadness from what she and the other friends did to you, but if you can get past that and be a friend to her, nothing says you have a hold a grudge. Grudges hurt the holder usually more than the person who is focus of the grudge. Beyond that, you know she’s in pain. You’re not obligated to be supportive, but if you cared about her, and could still care about her, why not?

There’s so much shit in the world. Everyone is damaged. If you’re the bigger person, no reason not to show your friend some love.[/quote]

I don’t think OP is holding a grudge here, but even if she was, I wouldn’t say it was the source of her hurt. The source of her hurt is her divorce and the actions of her former friends, who acted callously and coldly. It’s important to assign responsibility for things where they belong. OP isn’t responsible for what her former friends did. If she were having trouble moving on (which it sounds like she has), I’d suggest seeing a therapist until she could be free if it.

But I would not suggest providing emotional support to this ex-friend who has never acknowledged or apologized for what she did, and now expects OP to “be the bigger person” and help her. It sounds like OP is already big enough, thanks. Her former friend, however, could stand to grow as a person and accept some responsibility for what she did. Asking OP for help now that she is going through something similar is just selfish.

Now, if the friend had reached out and said “Now that I’m going through my own divorce, I realize how unkind I was to you at a time when you obviously needed support. I am so sorry for the hurt I caused.” Then I would suggest responding with kindness. But that’s not what’s happening.[/quote]

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