Reply to Husband sent private emails to a friend about our relationship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks. It's interesting how at first people saw the issue as my problem solely and the emails as benign and now see it as a sign the relationship is unfixable. I think it just points to the fact that both of us really don't know yet and still have a journey to figure this all out. More work to do in 2021.[/quote]

That’s because you buried the lede. You can’t work out your  “issues in bed” when your DH prefers to sleep with men. You mentioned that you and your DH had “a few good months” because he didn’t cheat with men during that time. That’s a low bar - a much lower bar than you deserve. YOU want to improve your relationship and build communication and intimacy, while HE just wants to avoid losing the life he’s built, and that’s not a solid foundation from which to work on a marriage. Just because you both really want this marriage to work and are willing to proceed, despite his attraction to (and history of cheating with) men doesn’t mean it’s not a giant elephant in the room that will always, always be over your shoulder, no matter how much muscle you put into therapy (and you alone seem to be working so, so hard, and so earnestly that it makes my heart ache a little).

So you are earnestly trying to work through your issues in bed with a DH who, as a PP bluntly put it, “wants to sleep with dudes” and doesn’t want to admit it to himself or live with the consequences. There are many bisexual people in monogamous relationships, yet your DH cheated with a man and only admits he “may” be bi - and doesn’t have those feelings anymore?

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OP here. Correct. I'm fully aware of all you are saying and don't feel the need to go down the path again right this moment. I was at that point about six months ago and just don't want to revisit it right this moment. I understand I need to protect myself and figure my future out. That's in the works as well but it's a process and I'm not financially secure yet. At this moment I was just trying to figure out how big a deal the emails were. With two men thinking it was just fine, I feel like this particular issue is about people these days not having the communication boundaries that I grew up with as a child and that it may not be more than just that. But yes, there are bigger issues to deal with in the marriage. Thank you for your kind words.[/quote]

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