Reply to Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP- the problem with affairs is nobody knows the success stories or couples that survived and then thrived because they are dirty, dark guarded secrets.  Most people tell nobody but a therapist.  You’d be shocked at how many marriages you view as happy and successful were rocked by an affair at some point.

As a therapist, I see it all.  Every situation and every human being is different.  The “once a cheater” is just not true.  People that take deep inventory and WANT to change and put in hard work can and do change.  To think otherwise is to say nobody is ever capable of change.

When you listen to the anecdotal evidence realize that you are much more likely to hear the horror stories, the extremes and the cases where one party did not want to be in a marriage.  You are not getting the stories of those that faced it head on and came out with a much deeper, living marriage.  And, that’s not because there aren’t many of those out there.  It is because they are very private matters which people do not disclose to protect their children.

Good luck.  Hearing what a friend of friend had happen or a scorned man or woman had happen by no means mean that is your situation.  Everyone has different reasons, different traumas, different relationships and personalities.

It’s getting to the heart of your own situation and after deep examination with therapy individually for both of you and after that couples’ you can decide if it is a marriage worth saving, a person that has changed.  You will need safety net while doing this—-things for your protection—as others mentioned: vasectomy, post-nup, therapy and full transparency.

Good luck.  Please take care of yourself.[/quote]

I’m sure there are some success stories, but how do you know if the cheater is telling the truth? Some people are expert liars. I’ve read many stories about cheaters going to therapists for years and successfully convincing them that they’ve changed, and then for the affairs to be discovered later. You can rubber stamp the marriage as successful, but you can never be completely sure.[/quote]

I am going to blow your mind wide open: You can never be sure your spouse isn't currently cheating or has in the past.  65% of men in long term marriages cheat.

I can't tell you how many women I know who had literally--no signs...and how many men I know that are cheating and their spouses don't know. ...even they guys that you would least suspect.

At 50- what I have come to find is that nobody can truly know what anyone is capable of.  [/quote]

I’m aware of these stats which is the reason I asked the question. Therapists don’t really know, so they can’t claim high rates of success.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics