Reply to Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"A biggie on that is: whose idea was it to go to therapy? Did the cheater research and find their own therapist without being nagged or even asked? Are they committed to it and doing the homework and are you seeing changes? Are you regularly talking about it? Most men that don't want to fundamentally change will give a half-hearted attempt or say what is needed to be said in a couples' situation---but they will not do individual therapy indefinitely. They don't think they need it and they don't want it since they see nothing wrong with what they are doing. That is easy to spot if you follow 'the actions', not 'the words'."

This is a very interesting dynamic. My husband was all for therapy until about six weeks in. The therapist said, "There's no excuse for cheating. None.  But can you begin to understand why your wife cheated from an emotional standpoint?  What I have heard her say is that you're emotionally avoidant, happy to let her raise the kids and do the housework while working full time. What are you offering to change so this doesn't happen again?"  Then he was done with therapy.

So - we  made some big changes and are still together. I can spend what I want, both on getting help as well as on things I want like concert tickets (pre-COVID of course), girls' trips, spa days, etc.  I can go out whenever I want ( my kids are now too old to need a sitter, but after therapy broke down, I spent $$$ on sitters to be able to go out and live my life). He didn't want a divorce or make changes to make our marriage more equitable, so I'm doing what I want, with the bonus of his money and health insurance.[/quote]

You are disgusting.  Absolutely disgusting pig.  Get a JOB and then a divorce.[/quote]

And I’m sure banging married men too? Right?  Revenge f@cking the institute of marriage.[/quote]

I’m guessing the husband working hard to support the family while his non-working wife with grown teenagers that didn’t need her was too much for I’m to take.  I probably would have walked out of therapy too if I had to listen to her whine “poor me” when she was banging other men and laying around the house all day while I worked.  I’m not sure why he doesn’t divorce.  Perhaps he’s waiting so he doesn’t have to pay her child support when the kids hit 18 and will pay little to no alimony then.  He’s be smart to catch evidence of the next affair with a private detective.[/quote]

You can't read worth a sh%t either.[/quote]

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