Reply to Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really wasn't the expert on these things when we were dating and first married.  We were both a little clueless about it.  We didn't cook much, and didn't really "grocery shop" the way that I do now.  We cleaned some whenever people were coming over, but not other than that.  I didn't see myself as being in a position to tell him if he got the right things at the grocery store or cleaned the bathroom correctly.  WTF do I know?

None of this really mattered until we had children.  When our oldest started crawling, walking, and eating normal food, my standards on what was acceptable changed.  I could wear sandals and bathe in a dirty shower, but I wasn't going to bathe my baby in one.  I could live without vacuuming for a month, but my baby was crawling all over the floors and putting his hands and every piece of dirt or lint in his mouth.  DH and I could grab some food on our way home from work and eat in the car, but I wanted my toddler to have real food and family meals.

I started learning how to do all of these tasks and incorporate them into my life because I took on the bulk of the childcare [b](for all of the reasons that women normally do).[/b]  DH didn't learn how to do them because he threw himself into work.  We were probably 5 years into our marriage before I started feeling resentful that ALL of this was falling on me, and by that point it was really hard to change the dynamic.    [/quote]

I'm not trying to pick on you but I think the bolded is a key key key point and something everyone should really try to think about before having kids. Having childcare fall all on the mom IS a choice. I know it doesn't feel like one but it is. It is hard to force equality into that first year, but IMO it is one of the best things you can do for a marriage. Leave the baby with dad for hours and don't check in 15 times. Pump and if pumping doesn't work then supplement. I know this will set people off but I do not understand people that sacrifice their marriage for EBF. Early motherhood is uncomfortable, you learn to do all those things because you're in the moment and have to figure it out. Force your husband to go through that as well, even if it is uncomfortable for you (not you specifically pp just generally women) and it will pay dividends in the years to come. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics