Reply to Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem with these threads is that really there are a few different types of couples out there in the wild.

1) The genuinely mutual respectful couple where the guy was raised right and proactively seeks an egalitarian relationship without prompting and the woman communicates well and pulls her weight as well

2) The mutually respectful couple where the guy didn't grow up knowing this stuff but does love and respect his wife and so works with her to figure out how to be a good husband when she gets upset

3) The crappy husband and wife who tries a million times to get her husband to understand he needs to pull his own weight and he just doesn't really care and will never really exert effort to try to lighten her load

4) The mediocre husband and the wife who responds by nagging and is passive aggressive and hostile

5) The mediocre/crappy husband and wife who just accepts his crappiness and does everything on her own and is miserable but never does anything about it.

All of those couples need different advise and depending on which one you're in you give different advise.  [/quote]

Very astute. And there are probably a million shades of variation within each of these categories, and there are probably marriages that start in one category and evolve into another over time (especially with the addition of children, which I think can move a lot of previously egalitarian marriages into very unchartered territory no matter the best intentions of both parties).[/quote]

I'm the PP. I'm in a number 2 and grateful to be there but sometimes I think it makes me give advise that frames every relationship as salvageable and I try to remind myself that my marriage succeeds not just because I am a good communicator, but because my husband is a good receiver. Some women really should walk away, its just really hard to tell where a person is based on their own subjective narrative about their relationship. My dad is a psychiatrist and says there are always three truths in a marriage, each person's side and the marriage's side, and that is something I have found to be very true. [/quote]

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