Reply to How do you get over being ostracized from a group?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So sorry that happened to you, OP. I know people like this and [b]in fact am friends with some people like this.  The ones who exclude, and gossip and badmouth about others.  To some extent, it is very common and I think it's part of human nature unfortunately.  And I always keep them at arm's length, and never trust them completely.  I don't invest in those relationships, but I also don't avoid them, as I do get a lot out of those relationships too.[/b] And frankly, if you avoided everyone like this, you'd be left with very few people to socialize with and collaborate with and whatever with.

There are friends and family that I have that I trust completely, but I can count them on one hand.  The ones who lift you up, the ones who you can trust completely, the ones who I hope will be with me to the end of my days.  You need to focus on these relationships and keep an eye out for these kinds of friends.[/quote]

OK I'll bite: What do you get out of those relationships, since you say you're getting "a lot"?

Also, do you self-identify as an honest person? Would you describe yourself as a user or opportunist? [/quote]

Those kinds of people tend to have a good side and a bad side - they are great to you when you are on their good side, but will badmouth and gossip about you when you are on their bad side.  They also tend to be kind of controlling of friend circles so while they can bring people together, they can also exclude people.  So what do I get out of it?  I'm USUALLY on their good side, so they act like a "good friend" in many of the traditional ways.  They plan and organize activities that are fun and meaningful to me that also include many friends I like.  I admire other traits in them, and just see this aspect of them as a character flaw.  And all of us have flaws.

I think I'm 90% honest.  I used to be a lot more honest, almost to a compulsion, but I learned that had bad consequences and caused unnecessary drama.  No, I don't think I'm a user or an opportunist.[/quote]

How do you feel about the people who wind up on their "bad side." Have you ever known someone who was hurt the way people on this thread have talked about being hurt? If so, do you think you contributed in any way or do you just consider it to have nothing to do with you? I'm not trying to antagonize, genuinely just curious.[/quote]

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