Reply to Does a blended family actually work?

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "Does a blended family actually work?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it just me, or are some people horrified by all the negative comments here? Sure, bad things can happen, even to UMC families in this area, but c'mmon? Do I live in a bubble? The reality is that, sadly, many marriages fail. My kids' friends at school have divorced parents, I have friends, who are divorced, but most of them remarried and [b]nobody is facing the horrid scenarios that you all are describing. [/b][/quote]

The opposite, actually. As a child of divorce, now in my 40s, I am grateful that my fellow ACOD are speaking honestly at last. Look, I ended up having a great life, marriage, career, etc of my own -- but for years was pressured, both by my own family and by society at large, to be super resilient, adaptable and embracing so [i]everyone else [/i]could feel fine about the divorce, the new partners, the stepsiblings. I'm totally over that charade. It wasn't fine and they're not my real family, and while I wish everyone else well, I'm also not sorry about feeling this way anymore.

PS you have NO idea what scenarios the families you know are facing, and even then, in my experience, kids deflect/coverup/lie. Ask the kids in those families when they are 35, then you'll get a real and less performative and nuanced answer. [/quote]

+1000! I am just so extremely done dealing with [b]the pressure to accommodate divorce and all its consequences[/b].  I DGAF about these people and never ever will.  Their feelings about their family are not mine to manage or cater to.  If they are disappointed in the outcome, well, so is everyone else so cry me a river.

Kids of divorce have no idea what is actually in store for them.  If they say they are fine with it, either they are telling you what you want to hear or they are just naive.[/quote]

YES thank you, seriously, this is all truth.

- Adult child of divorce[/quote]

+1.  "Resilient" is self-serving BS.  Yes, the kids can deal with it.  They won't die.  Life goes on.  But this insistence that we as a society are forced to pretend that divorce does no damage to children is a lie.  [/quote]

Exactly.  No, my life is not ruined.  But it's still harmful and burdensome and forever warps and alters my relationships with my parents.  "Resilient" is a way that adults reassure themselves when they know that what's happening is harmful to children.  And "resilient" is a way of putting pressure on children to accept it and do emotional labor. It's a way of putting the blame on the child for not being resilient enough, rather than on the parents for getting the family into a bad situation or making selfish choices.  As an adult, having divorced parents is a serious logistical challenge that you can't "resilient" your way out of.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics