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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would think to yourself why you typed "Im really sad about who my son is" instead of "I'm really sad that my son has been through an accident and now" [/quote]

It’s a fair point.  Some of this stuff pre dates the accident.  However, point taken.  I’m frustrated with his choices right now, it’s exhausting being him I’m sure and it’s some times exhausting to parent him.  I realize that’s what we sign up for.   I hear the posters who point out may be more understanding and empathy is needed.  I feel like that’s been my approach by in large but, if I’m honest, I’m just really scared for him and I don’t know what more I can do to help him.  Thank you for the many ideas that were offered.  [/quote]

OP, my DS is 13 and has a different laundry list of challenges than yours, but I have a close friend whose wise council I value who has an older son, mid-20s who shares a lot with me.  The thing she's shared that has affected me the most is how she's adjusted her expectations to value his successes rather than to measuring him against our DC high-achiever yardstick.  At the end of the day, what we all really want is for our kids to be happy, productive members of society, right?  Some kids, especially boys, take a route that doesn't include the high-achiever colleges, etc.

Don't undersell how severely ADHD, LDs, and chronic pain can affect a young man who's trying to gain independence.  I think PPs who've suggested various forms of therapy are on point.  Our experience has been that it's worth switching therapists until you find the one who clicks with your DC.  Ours is a male LPC (licensed professional counselor) who practices in a NoVA exurb, but we went through several LCSW and psychologists before we found him.

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