Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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Reply to "Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there are people who would walk out of their mediocre marriages in a heartbeat if they had the money and felt life would truly be better on the other side. People are very fearful, too. They like the status quo, even if it's far from ideal. Losing the good-enough but not great spouse, and full-time access to the kids, and the nice house, and the social position, and the family approval, is a lot for most people, especially if you've never hit rockbottom in life. Who wants to start over again at 40, 50, 60? Poor at 30 is different from poor at 60.

Without the money and the courage to remove oneself from unhappiness, well, cheating is an option. It's risky, painful, cruel but it's the lesser of two evils for some--  especially if you find someone who makes you feel attractive, or even better, valuable, cared for, wanted, cherished. It's life support. Based on some of the responses here, it's a drug. You've lost attraction to your spouse. They lost attraction to you. Or they may still be attractive to you but there's nothing there. Not even a friendship. People change and become better, or worse, versions of themselves. Many here will scream VOWS! Well, those vows were written when our average lifespan was about 35. You're in a bad marriage in the year 1750? Well, there's a good chance a war or childbirth or a toothache will take out the spouse you want to lose.

For those in bad marriages-- or not even bad, just unfulfilling marriages-- walking away would wreak unbelievable havoc. And when kids are involved, forget it. You better really hate your spouse or be a victim of abuse to get out. It's a job you're not allowed to leave for something better simply because you've outgrown your role. Even if the person you're cheating with is fantastic, the best match for you, the hell you'll face for divorcing and the possible lower standard of living, alimony payments and alienation from friends and family isn't worth it. [/quote]

Don't get married if you don't want to follow the vows.  See, so easy.

Do 50/50 right from the bat if you want kids and don't want to get married.  See, so easy.

You don't want consequences of cheating, then don't cheat.  Otherwise, don't be even more selfish by not telling your wife and not giving her the choice.  Seriously, this whole issue is about you making a decision for your wife.  That is so 1950's.  You know women can make money on their own, make decisions on their own, keep a household on their own (yes things have progressed since 1950's).  Don't be that guy who think that he knows what's best for his wife/kids.  You don't.  
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