Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I'm the original poster you responded to (not the pp in your response) but my answer would be that it's you, not the wife. You cheated even before your "sexless" period and so how can it be about anyone else? You also just mentioned that it's the opportunity which drives men to cheat (you know tall, outgoing men) which again means that it's not about your wife. Honestly, it's either that all men are like this (driven by opportunity), or that there is a certain mindset which pre-disposes a man to cheat (I discarded that it's the wife/life situation since that's not the case in your example). If it's opportunity, then women shouldn't trust any man at anytime and men shouldn't expect that women should trust them.[/quote]

Trust what?  That over the course of a long, long life, with monogamy being completely unnatural and that 100% of men want to and at times crave beyond belief, the idea of sex with other women, that the man will 100% never screw up?  It's a big ask.  If you aren't in a situation to screw up, and your marriage is good so you aren't seeking a screw up, it's possible, sure.

But I would flip the question - no you shouldn't trust anyone 100% that they will never make a mistake.  To err is human.  Infidelity is a tale as old as time.  I don't 100% trust a partner not to cheat because people aren't robots, and once you accept this, the idea of infidelity isn't that scary.  Your spouse had sex with people before you and it didn't ruin them.[/quote]

Marriages go through ups/downs and so to think that my husband didn't cheat because marriage has always been perfect wouldn't be truthful.

If cheating isn't a big issue for you, no worries but find a wife who will have the same mindset.  Problem is that you have this mindset but then marry a monogamous woman and also that you expect wife to have your mindset (infidelity isn't a big deal, just accept it) which she clearly doesn't.  Maybe your viewpoints are more important than hers in this relationship and so for you your wife's belief doesn't matter?

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