Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I wasn't looking for your approval. OP asked my mindset and I gave it.

Anyway, from what I can tell, and I know a lot of men who have cheated, I really think it comes down to the old adage that men are as faithful as their options. I suppose I would admit that I am tall, conventionally attractive and outgoing, so I do get propositioned, as many men do in my situation, and I have turned down most offers but not all. The second thing is you can really minimize the risk by giving your man something to lose, i.e. make the bedroom hot for him. It won't guarantee he won't cheat, but being a prude will guarantee he will - if he can.

Perhaps marry an introvert who doesn't travel for work and has a lower libido, would probably be your best chance to have a faithful man under all conditions. [/quote]

I think this is something you tell yourself to feel better.  My brother is tall, conventionally attractive, travels a lot for work and has a $15 million house.  He has options, but is faithful (we have talked about it).  My DH is outgoing, in great shape, travels a lot and is a super high earner.  [b]He said lots of people cheat at work conferences.  He doesn't - sometimes I travel with him, other times I don't, but he feels like we have a great family and has no interest in blowing it up.[/b]  I also have options but totally agree with him.  So, just own your lack of character and call it what it is, because there are lots of good guys who don't lie and cheat like you do.[/quote]

PP here, ok, I will admit I am not perfect, my character sucks, whatever.

Anyway, I certainly wasn't implying that all men cheat, and I have no reason to doubt you married one of the good ones.  As you said, he has a good home life, assuredly a good sex life so he doesn't want to lose it.

As he said, a lot of people cheat from what he's seen, so I suppose you can chalk up a huge set of men as just morally bankrupt, myself included, and most men I know.  Not all though, for sure, and sounds like you hit the lottery so share your secrets of what you did right and all these other women did wrong.

[/quote]

I'm the original poster you responded to (not the pp in your response) but my answer would be that it's you, not the wife.  You cheated even before your "sexless" period and so how can it be about anyone else?  You also just mentioned that it's the opportunity which drives men to cheat (you know tall, outgoing men) which again means that it's not about your wife.   Honestly, it's either that all men are like this (driven by opportunity), or that there is a certain mindset which pre-disposes a man to cheat (I discarded that it's the wife/life situation since that's not the case in your example).   If it's opportunity, then women shouldn't trust any man at anytime and men shouldn't expect that women should trust them.  [/quote]

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