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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand the logic of many women on this thread. If you work outside the house for a paycheck, or if you stay home to take care of the children or the running of the house - you are doing this for the benefit of your family.  If you do any of these things for the benefit of YOU first, then there is some dissonance in your family.  And if your spouse and you do not appreciate each others effort and help each other, then there is also a dissonance in your family.

I am a SAHM with teens. DH is working from home.  I am making pretty fancy and imaginative  lunches and dinners every single day. Mainly because I do not want my family to feel deprived that they are not eating out or they are lacking great choices. It is a small way to ease the sadness that this pandemic has brought on everyone, and also a way to stretch meals and prevent wastage.

DH, who makes a pretty high income (so that I can stay home), brings me tea in bed,  takes care of breakfast for everyone, loads the dishes in the dishwasher, before his office starts at 9am.  Throughout the day, whenever he takes a break and does something for himself he is caring enough to do it for all of us.  He cuts a fruit for himself, he will cut fruits for all of us.  He makes a cup of tea for himself, he will make a cup of tea for me too. My kids have also been raised to care for everyone in the family.  So the person who is doing laundry will do the laundry for everyone. If one sets the dinner table, the other will take over putting the leftovers away.

I would be pissed if I was taking care of everyone without any help from DH and kids. Why? Because a household needs everyone's help.  In a normal situation, I am not making hot lunches for them every day. They are taking a simple sandwich and some fruit for lunch. Ordinarily, my family does not have to help to clean the house because I have a cleaning lady who helps me to do that once a week. Most importantly, on normal days I am used to having an  empty house, which is easier to clean because I am not being interrupted to cook every meal.  It is hard to do cleaning, cooking, laundry etc when everyone is home and they need 3 hot and delicious  meals a day, a few rounds of milk and cookies, a few rounds of tea/coffee, some snacks, some desserts.   Thankfully, my DH has been a considerate and loving husband from the beginning of our relationship and a wonderful, loving father to our children.   I have never had to ask him to give me a hand because he was there to give a hand to his family.

In a functional family, everyone is respected and everyone works together for the ultimate good. The ultimate good is always the FAMILY.  You work and earn money to help your family succeed. You stay home with  your kids to help your family succeed.  I can understand that your husband has to work. He was working before the pandemic too. He normally had to wake up early, dress, commute to go to work. All of that load has been removed from his day.   You on the other hand have seen your workload increase manyfold. If he cannot understand it then I am sorry for you and your children because you are married to a very low quality man.

For all the WOHMs who are crowing about the comeuppance this SAHM is getting - yes, it sucks because OP is facing this lack of help from her husband in a pandemic situation, whereas you seem to think this is the way things should be? Your head is your own, no doubt, but your ideas are those of misogynistic men.  You live and function in this weird kind of selfish relationship with your spouse without a pandemic. Let me help you understand this - if the entire family is not helping out each other so that everyone succeeds, and if each member is not cognizant of the fact that they are being supported and helped - then you do not have a marriage or a relationship.

OP's DH can help after the day is over. He needs to help also during the day so that OP gets some time off for self care. He needs to do all of that because his day has become infinitely easier because he does not have to commute or get up early. He needs to help OP not just because he is her husband, but also the kids he has (including the SN kid with more needs) are not some charity case orphans that he has magnanimously decided to provide a roof for.  They are his children and he should be equally invested in their well being and the well being of his wife.

What kind of loser man-child is he? What kind of relationships are these many posters are in, that they think this is ok?[/quote]

You sound like a dumb, clueless SAHM. OP is not rich and her DH is not at the top of the food chain getting to make his own schedule. They have three young kids including a very demanding one. OP’s life is infinitely more stressful than cooking coq au vin and sending milk and cookies on a tray.[/quote]

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