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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is your boyfriend's ex-wife dating anyone?[/quote]

OP here. She is not from what we know.  She suffers from depression and isn't the most involved parent but her daughter definitely feels loyalty to her (as she should) and has blamed the divorce on the dad even though it was the mom who wanted out and who moved out.

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Well, if her relationship with her mother is troubled, that will make another maternal adult relationship very fraught

Maybe the daughter should be screened for depression.  Hostility can be a symptom.   Seems like she really needs her dad and time with him.[/quote]

OP here. She does and she gets a ton of time with him. Her relationship with her mom isn't fraught but her mom isn't as actively involved as her dads and probably that does cause issues for kids.  Today is one of the 'non custody' weekends but I sent my boyfriend to go get his daughter and spend the afternoon with her.  I really would hate myself if I was the reason their relationship got strained. I would never forgive myself.    He wanted me to come along but I said "no" and quoted him all this advice.  TRUST ME--we are trying but also want to be together.[/quote]

Of course her relationship with her mom is fraught!  FFS!  Her mom is depressed, not a very involved parent, and is blamed by her father for the divorce, rightly or wrongly that makes things more difficult!  Come on.  How could that be easy for her? This child needs therapy, and she needs to adults in her life to see her struggling and parent her appropriately.  Not try to make their own dating the priority.  You need to look past the treea of her rudeness and see the forest here.  [/quote]

OP here---my BF lets the kids blame him for the divorce. He's never shifted that back to the mom or corrected them.  I am trying to look past the trees--and I am/was curious if a) this was normal and b) if i should break up with my BF because right now, I don't see a path forward. I can be patient if that's what it takes. [/quote]

Do you believe what everyone's ex says about them?

Yes it is normal, or at least not unusual, in a situation where the dad is the primary parent and the mom has issues.

Patience is not enough.  How about you encourage your boyfriend to obtain mental health care for his child, instead of trying to spend more time with his girlfriend when he knows his daughter is struggling with it.[/quote]

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