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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How elder-later-life goes down is as varied as how parents have prepared for it, and what their personalities are.

I am in the midsts of a lot of siblings and their spouses with a lot of aging parents. One set refused to parent beyond, Be home by dinner, don't get arrested, and as soon as you're 18 you're not my responsibility, who also refused to help their own parents at end of life, are now demanding their children pay to care for them in a high manner since they have blown through their own money. And they haven't even gotten to the super expensive part. I don't mean to sound bitter, but I am stressed since I still have my own retirement and end of life care to secure. The money I had hoped to save is going toward their care. I shudder to think what will happen when one needs assisted living and the other needs 24-7 nursing care (which is where they are headed). So it's not just the 15K/month for nursing, but another 6K for assisted living for the other. And instead of 4 kids with 1 set of parents to deal with, and share responsibility and cost, it's actually 8 kids with 5 sets of parents all needing help and all aging at the same time.

Sorry, I guess that was my own stress vent! 
[/quote]

Honestly, I think we may all need therapy to cope with the guilt, but I flat out couldn't afford to give my parents thousands of dollars a month for elder care. And while some folks might feel guilty about it, I would never de-fund my own retirement to pay for someone else's.[/quote]

My parents chose to give money to charity and buy time shares instead of funding my college tuition. Before that they were pretty hands off and expected me to provide for my own needs before I was even old enough to work. I remember spending my teen years working like a dog to pay for basics like socks/underwear/books/food/tampons  and any other necessities.

While I would have a hard time being as callous towards them, there is no way in hell I am devoting my life to caring for them in old age. I will simply not invest my time or money that way.

They showed me who they are and I believe them. [/quote]

Can you contribute something useful?  I took care of my MIL and will not my parents as they signed POA to a sibling who will not help and left everything to them in the will... not a big deal to me.  All their problem.  But, this is not relevant to the topic.  You aren't going to do elderly care, haven't done elderly care so why comment about it.[/quote]

I'm not the PP you quoted, but wow, you are rude!

A lot of adult children feel guilted into taking extreme measures and giving up their own life to care for parents who honestly do not deserve the consideration.   [/quote]

No, I'm not rude.  The topic is about those providing care.  This person is not willing to provide care so no need for the comments.  If you don't want to care for your parents, don't.  I don't plan to.  I do for other relatives but I have no issue saying no given our family situation.  I would never ever said no to the other relatives.[/quote]
PP is NOT being rude. PP is clear-minded, sane and rational. All anyone owes to parents who were not parents is a phone call once per week or so to say ‘how’ve you begin’, and that’s assuming there was is/was no abuse involved. My parents have been wonderful and thus deserving of my help and care and I plan to. But as I said, they’ve been wonderful all my life. Not perfect but loving and wonderful, and continue to be, no matter how frustrated I get with their liv in place cross country’ situation. In our case, I’m lucky to have a sibling who lives there and does the heavy lifting. And we will help financially as long as it’s feasible, and then after they pass, plan to help my sister if she needs it as she cut back work hours to do that heavy lifting.

The cruel part is the way people view my sister - as someone who ‘sucks off of them financially’. I remind them (not so gently) that is my sister who handles all the day to day when necessary and who’s currently handling the legal stuff. She’s a real spitfire and really good at it too! She will ALWAYS have my support![/quote]

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