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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Age in place is hugely taxing on the adult children even when the patient has enough money to hire full time aides. The administration of that alone is a lot, plus filling in when caregivers are absent, etc. Some caregivers won’t do meal prep, some won’t do bathing, etc etc etc. Endless Dr appointments and errands and constantly adjusting to the latest decline. It’s brutal even when the finances are good. [/quote]

What do you think a nursing home is like?  They get bathed twice a week, barely looked after and the main activity is staring at the wall or tv.  Especially on medicaid.  I would much rather have kept my MIL at home.  We still have to visit a few times a week, bring in food, shop....doctors....dentists....[/quote]

If you can do it, without seriously impairing your own lives (and lives of any underage kids), that’s okay asa personal choice. The problems come in when it isn’t the caregiver’s choice but the elder and other relatives won’t agree to another solution. Or when the burden of at home care is causing extreme stress on the non-elders in the household. [/quote]

Exactly this. I was made to feel like a horrible person for not allowing my MIL to hospice in our house because our son had just recovered from a stint in the hospital with a deadly disease, and his docs recommended that we not do it. She hospiced in another sibling’s home 10 minutes away.

With my folks, I can and do want to help but can’t from 3000 miles away. They refuse to move closer and I can’t move to them.[/quote]

I would have done a hospice home near my home but makes more sense for sibling to do it.  Your child needed to come first in this situation.[/quote]

She refused to hospice at a facility. My husband was pissed I would not allow it in our home. Kids were crying to me not to, littlest one had LITERALLY just come out of the hospital. His brother had a spare room and my husband and I made sure she also had 24/7 care in the home. I paved the way for my husband to be there every single day by taking on all our home responsibilities. They would not let me see my MIL until the very end. She told me she thought I didn’t want to see her (heartbreaking). I did not tell her the truth - I told her that our littlest is now doing great and I was seeing to him. She was thrilled to hear it, and even helped me navigate some school issues we were having (brilliant woman to the end) which made her feel so useful, she said. I’m glad I got to see her - the nurse pulled me aside and told me how sad she had been that I had not visited her. I had to scream at my husband before he would confront his brother to allow me into his home.  And I’m glad I did.[/quote]

I am so sorry. Also, your husband is a massive prick. You sound like you could do much better.[/quote]

Thank you. Kids are grown now - I spend time up north when I can.[/quote]

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