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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How elder-later-life goes down is as varied as how parents have prepared for it, and what their personalities are.

I am in the midsts of a lot of siblings and their spouses with a lot of aging parents. One set refused to parent beyond, Be home by dinner, don't get arrested, and as soon as you're 18 you're not my responsibility, who also refused to help their own parents at end of life, are now demanding their children pay to care for them in a high manner since they have blown through their own money. And they haven't even gotten to the super expensive part. I don't mean to sound bitter, but I am stressed since I still have my own retirement and end of life care to secure. The money I had hoped to save is going toward their care. I shudder to think what will happen when one needs assisted living and the other needs 24-7 nursing care (which is where they are headed). So it's not just the 15K/month for nursing, but another 6K for assisted living for the other. And instead of 4 kids with 1 set of parents to deal with, and share responsibility and cost, it's actually 8 kids with 5 sets of parents all needing help and all aging at the same time.

Sorry, I guess that was my own stress vent! 
[/quote]

Honestly, I think we may all need therapy to cope with the guilt, but I flat out couldn't afford to give my parents thousands of dollars a month for elder care. And while some folks might feel guilty about it, I would never de-fund my own retirement to pay for someone else's.[/quote]

My parents chose to give money to charity and buy time shares instead of funding my college tuition. Before that they were pretty hands off and expected me to provide for my own needs before I was even old enough to work. I remember spending my teen years working like a dog to pay for basics like socks/underwear/books/food/tampons  and any other necessities.

While I would have a hard time being as callous towards them, there is no way in hell I am devoting my life to caring for them in old age. I will simply not invest my time or money that way.

They showed me who they are and I believe them. [/quote]

I can relate to this. One of my kids had medical issues and then special needs. They didn't help nor did I expect them too. One had no problem using me rather than hiring people to help with the other and I went along because I had a decent childhood (minus some verbally abusive behavior). When I finally made it clear people had to be hired they played poverty. Turns out they were sitting on a fortune. They made a huge donation to what should not even be considered charity because it helps nobody in need. It was to show off and get attention. They they donated to a place that did not welcome my child with SN. That was the last straw. I finally backed away and told them to hire help. People with loads of money can be very strange. It is amazing how they will take advantage of people just to throw their money around in showy ways. [/quote]

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