Reply to Wife chronically depressed, blames everyone everything for her unhapiness&unfullfillment, I want out

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Reply to "Wife chronically depressed, blames everyone everything for her unhapiness&unfullfillment, I want out"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP , nowhere in your long, long post is any acknowledgment or appreciation of what your husband and kids are going through.  They are just there to suck it up and make things better for you.  Who is making things better for them?  Your husband has to carry the financial burden 100% himself PLUS pay for the housekeeper but all you talk about is how it helps you, not what it does to him and to the long-term financial health of the family.   You are talking to your husband about how you're feeling today, but have you shamed him into not ever talking about how HE is? Is the vibe in your home such that he is only allowed to talk about how to help you, not what this does to him? That's what you're doing. You're shaming OP into shutting up, as if he's not the real person, only his wife is.[/quote]

Amen!  I've been the functioning spouse in this kind of relationship and developed depression as a result.  DH and I are still married but, like the PP, he doesn't know/ignores the price it exacted from me.  People with mental illness aren't the only sufferers.[/quote]

Why do you assume that I don’t feel awful about how things are? I expressed the shame and embarrassment for being the reason things are this way. If OP’s wife had cancer would you say she should do what you are asking op’s wife and I to do? I worked for 25 years and outearned my husband, I receive a hefty monthly long term disability based on my leaving salary from my employers who also pay the whole family’s health insurance and still contribute to my pension both what I contributed and what whey contributed when I worked so he is absolutely not bearing the financial burden alone. I am also retraining so that I can start to contribute more to the family. 
Because we have this help, towards with I absolutely do contribute, I can now be more present and happier with the kids and my husband, I can go out sometimes because I can prepare myself mentally,  because I’m am not a crumbling heap of anxiety on the floor of my bedroom panicking about how I’ll get through the rest of the day. Thankfully, though reluctantly, by husband sees this as the way forward that will keep the family unit as a whole and our 4 kids happier and on more of an even keel. 
I was giving the perspective of the other side. OP has to decide if it’s worth it for him to keep the family together. I went through hell with public shaming from my husband. With him telling friends about how awful I’d become. I paid a very high price in my dignity for having an illness I can not control. 
OP can shout from the rooftops for all I care but what would that achieve? He could be bitter and angry, just like my husband was and make the whole family miserable or he could acknowledge that what his wife is going through is out of her control and they could seek the help she needs together. 
Of course OP could also walk away and pretend that he did all he could. It is his choice. [/quote]

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