Reply to 17 year old son planning on tricking us to spend night with gf -gf’s parents away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. 
I came home. I will taken the car keys and his card for lying and ignoring texts for 2 weeks and I will ground him for NYE.

This is just one of many things he’s done in the past 6 months that have confounded us and this is not the worst. I want to maintain my relationship with him but it’s not too late to teach  him to respect rules while he’s under our roof and while we will be paying almost $60k per year in tuition (plus goodness knows for room and board and living) for the next 4 years for him plus whatever post grad will be. I think he’s had life too easy. 
It’s sad because he really has been such a good boy until now and an excellent scholar.  I don’t know what’s become of him but it’s not good. He just does not seem to care about anything anymore. It’s so unlike him that I just don’t know how to deal with it. How do you start imposing consequences at 17? 
I don’t know. I know I sound over emotional but the extent to which his behavior has changed, even though it may not seem that terrible to most people (no drugs and such) , is really marked. [/quote]

If you really feel he is entitled. Skip paying for Graduate School. Nothing wrong with him having some skin in the game. Not to mention he will own it. Also, he should have a job in college starting junior year at least. Time management skills are important and at $60,000 with not being grateful he should participate in the financial portion. It's a great life lesson. And a leg up when he graduates.
Get him condoms. Yes, many won't agree with this, but being proactive in this situation might be a good idea.

He's not that at typical for a 17 year old boy trying to grow up under house rules. Which you should have not disagreeing. [/quote]

Whether or not you pay for graduate school does not need to be decided now, or at least it won't have any impact on his attitude and behavior.  Do you expect him to react, "No graduate school, oh no! I better shape up and listen to my parents."

I get it that it has come as a shock that at 17 he is all of a sudden a different kid, but this is probably the first time what he wants (being with his girlfriend) has come in direct conflict with your values and rules.  That doesn't mean you throw up your hands and think, well he will be out on his own in another 6 months.  This means you need to impose consequences for the first time.  You already lost control the minute you agreed to delaying the family trip and gave him the message that the boundaries you have set up and available to be torn down.

Sit him down, with your husband, and tell him the way he has been behaving for the past 6 months is unacceptable and not the kid you knew.  Explain exactly what is unacceptable: the lying, the bad attitude, the lack of concern for his siblings and ask him how he sees things.[/quote]

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