Reply to Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL attempted to make this a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Mainly, after we got married, she saw me as a threat.  I came at the relationship wanting to join families and make one big happier family.  She saw any time spent with my family as time SHE didn't get.  Bean counting, snarky remarks, etc.

So yeah, guess who we pulled away from?

If you come at new relationships with an open mind and with love and kindness being your guide, you shouldn't have these issues.  I know if she'd been more open minded and willing to embrace me instead of battle me things would be a lot different now.[/quote]

My MIL was this way too. My husband was in the role of "man of the house" growing up (and not because he wanted to be, but because she was not a stable, functional adult and essentially forced him to take on the role of the parent). When it became clear he was serious about me, she basically treated me like I was competition for years - lots of snippy, bitchy remarks under her breath when visiting, trying to get him to leave me behind for holidays, underhanded "compliments" about my body, the whole deal.

I am sure she regrets it now. Her son has no interest in sharing kid updates, scheduling visits, or even just chatting her up when she's lonely or bored. And I sure as heck am not going to make the effort for someone who deliberately made my life miserable for years.

[b]I am so, so determined not to make the same mistakes with my own son.[/b] [/quote]

I'm the PP you quoted and YES TO THE BOLD.  I have even started a google doc for notes about how I want to be different haha.  I don't want to forget these feelings of being the young DIL with a domineering and sort of mean MIL.  I want to foster the best relationship I can.  It doesn't have to be best friends (I don't think that's realistic) but I want it to have mutual love and respect.  I hope I can have confidence in my kid's choices of partners, even if it differs from how I see their lives playing out, and accept and LOVE my new kids-in-law.  I've seen my own mother do this so well, so I have a good guide.  She still manages to ruffle my brother's wife's feathers here of there, but mostly they have a lot of love and respect for each other and a very positive relationship.[/quote]

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