Reply to Complicated Grief and my late friend’s husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just because it’s come up,

She was a smart woman, turned a little bit of money into wealth.  I don’t think it’s okay that two kids who aren’t biologically related to her now adult child, are going to receive half of that wealth. She didn’t go the route of a trust specifically because he had no intentions of starting a second family. She was my friend, I know details because when you prepare for end of life people like to talk through things. We talked through how our children will continue on without us and the money gave her a huge relief for her son. 
 Marrying someone with kids is one thing, but fully taking on two young kids plus a baby is different, and I don’t think it’s right that he’s taking an “all is equal” approach because she would have protected her son if this was something she thought would happen.  [/quote]

So it's her money that will now be spread out to another's.    Different story then in My opinion.

She trusted her spouse.  I feel for their son.
[/quote]

+10000
Not his money. Hers. I don't understand why the PPs are piling on the OP. He has no business giving her money to kids that are not his. [/quote]
he

I[b] mean... it's his money now, legally.[/b] She's gone. It ceased to be "her" money when she passed.

OP's friend was very naive in thinking her 40-something husband ("nearing 50") was done with family life. Especially if they are here in the DC area, where most people have kids at an older age and it's socially acceptable to do so. I get that OP is disappointed, but she needs to butt out. [/quote]

Only because she did seek out and make Legal protections.

Morally, her money = son's money.

Are you a second wife by chance pp?[/quote]

No, I am not - I have been with my husband practically since college and we're about 40. First marriage for both.

My husband, though, is the product of a first marriage and has several half siblings from his father's subsequent marriage. He is not incredibly concerned with how inheritance money will be split and happy about the existence of his half siblings. He is much older than his oldest half siblings and he really did NOT like being an only child.

It is heartbreaking for OP and her son that the friend died so young. But OP's friend should have been realistic and put money aside into a trust for her son if she felt so strongly about all the money going only to him. Her husband is still a young man - she's been gone a couple of years and he's only now "nearing 50". It's not shocking that he met someone who wanted to have a baby, and while I'm sure she was coming from a place of love, ultimately it was not fair for his late wife to try to dictate those things from beyond the grave.

Son is grown and it sounds like college is being paid for. There could be a neat sum set aside for him for a house downpayment in the future - OP wouldn't know, it sounds like she isn't close to the husband and has no idea how he is using this money or what he's doing to honor his late wife's wishes. [b]She's heated that he married someone with children and had a baby and will now also spend money on them[/b]. Either way, I'm sorry for OP's loss but it's not her place to intervene and I'm not sure the husband has done anything terrible.  [/quote]

I think if it were his own biological kids, and not the second wife's kids who have nothing to do with the dead wife or the widower, it would be seen as more fair. [/quote]

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