Reply to DC wants to withdraw from magnet program

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks everyone for your advice. It is not Clemente MS. And DC was not beaten up but did get physically contact by some kids in the corridor.

DC reported to school, and talked to counselor. I have to say that the teachers in the school are all very nice and trying to help. That's why I hope DC can give it some more time before making the decision. I can tell that the teachers are trying to make DC feel safe and they even give DC a flash pass to approach to the counselor at anytime DC doesn't feel comfortable.

Our home school is a highly ranked middle school too. Someone mentioned to shadow the kid in the homeschool for a day. That's a very good idea. I wonder if it is doable and how to coordinate that. Thank you.[/quote]

Dear OP, hugs and best wishes! Do not give up just yet, your kid worked super hard to get where they are. 
It must be very stressful time for you as a parent and for your child when so much hopes and dreams are now hanging.
My close friend had a kid in a middle magnet and went through something similar and since she was confining in me I can recap
of the process and the outcome, maybe you will find something helpful and some perspective in it:
- The most important words of support and most meaningful to a child was to hear that they "don't have to stay" in the magnet but if they will feel it is too tough they definitely can go back to the home school. It was very important that the child did not feel pressured as it gave the child more will to try. 
- The most important change was to make ONE friend. ONE. that all it took to make a difference from hating everything to loving everything.
- Mom arranged for some outside of school one on one time with some kid that seemed like a good match and after few times the kids met outside the school they became friends at school and not being alone and lonely made a huge difference.
- Lots of magnet kids for some reason take more time to warm up to peers then the most. It just take more time. One certain truth is everyone needs a friend and with time they all open up and reach out. This is when the friendship happen.
- Middle school kids are slower to make friends then in  younger grades. Those who are already hanging out by October are usually those who knew each other from  their home schools. For the most part the rest of the kids does not have friends YET and if your child knew that and be sure of that they could be more open to give themselves a little time. 
- Magnet kids can and do make friends with outside of magnet kids in the mixed classes so it is great opportunity to find someone nice and friendly who also needs a friend.
- Tell your child to look for friends among those who also seem lonely and without any friends as they are just as hungry to find someone at new school.
- Ask your child to reflect how it was when they first went to school how isolating experience it was and how by the end of the school year everyone was already sad the school year is ending.
- One month is not enough to make friends and soon more and more opportunities will show up. It is good to reassure your kid that they are not stuck there and what about giving it another month or go week by week and then see what will happen? Knowing a goal post helps a lot mentally. 
- It is most likely that all those painful things that your child experienced might be normal at any school but it is also true that they would not be as painful or horrible if they had a friend at school to balance the bad experience. 
- Yes the home school might be as bad not because it is bad but because the kids are bigger, older and they will make lots of noise everywhere, and also there are some or another type of bullies everywhere so no school is free of this kind of stuff.
- Confidence, it is tough but a kid needs to project some kind of confidence to attract friends and ward off bullies because the more depressed and sad and shy the kid looks the more disadvantage socially. Fake till you make it, ask kid to smile more regardless the pain and sadness
as smiles just attract more smiles and more people. ."when  you are smiling.. the whole worlds smiles with you" There is something in the song of L. A. 
- Shadowing a kid in a home school is really good idea as others said and I wanted to suggest that too. This can do two things, it can show that the home school is just as bad, that kids are scattered and no more old familiar structure from the elementary is there, and also by the time your kid will go back next day to the magnet school it might look better and more familiar and more home like then the other one.
- Magnet teachers and coordinators always pride themselves about helping kids to make it in any way they can, helping to find friends included... try to talk to them about helping you to find someone for your child and pair them in some social at school situation so they can somehow survive.

Good luck, hugs and best wishes. Nothing is guaranteed in life but keep hoping and do your best. If all fails, there are more ways to get somewhere in life, as others said. I wish you all the best and send you my best. Hope it will all work out for the best.
Please keep us posted or update in one month.

[/quote]

OP here. Thanks so much for each and every suggestions, especially the first one. I will update. 
Several kids who graduated from the same magnet program told us that once the group projects start, kids start to love the program more, and make friends more easily too. I will also observe the school at lunch time during open house to see if it is really that rough as DC described. [/quote]

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