Reply to Excessively dependent mother still completely helpless months after dad's death

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just be prepared for things like: complaining about aide or aide complaining to you, aide quitting or mom firing aide. mom trying to get aide to side with her against you both, etc. I have learned to have low expectations for everything and any improvement, no matter how temporary is a win. If an aide lasts a few months-win. Mom stops complaining for a week or 2-win.

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NP and good point.  OP! get out ahead of this issue...somehow. Do you and or your sister have durable power of atty? Any hand in legal decisions? I guess what I'm thinking about is prepping for your mom to hire and fire aides in rapid succession. Will you and your sister be able to truly manage this? Thinking you should start with hiring through an agency only. No one-offs so common in these environments.I have personal experience with this with my elderly (late) father in hospice. Your mom is going to be the type who will be irritated by the most benign, perceived slights or minor quirks of each aide. I'm not sure anyone who is noet you and or your sister will be ideal. Sorry.

I also PP mentioned family liaison/social worker. Perhaps the social worker would recommmed or steer you in right direction with hiring help.

And, the cat request? Indeed, your mom is testing you. My own mom does the same (will throw random thoughts and expectations out there or worse, get "sick" and demand visits and calls and the score keeping begins) and you have to ignore and redirect.

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