Reply to Nytimes: I’ve picked my job over my kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These women will end up like the men who are like that. The kids won’t really know them and will unlikely to be interested in them beyond $. It is what it is. People make choices that reflect their values and priorities. No one gives men a hard time about it. We shouldn’t give women one either. Nor should we be surprised by the end result. [/quote]

Nooooo. I've known many people who've had hardworking, ambitious parents who adore these parents as adults. I think it's more about whether the hardworking parent shows consistent love in a variety of ways (affectionate, constantly trying to do things that help the child, how the parent reacts when their kid walks through the door, etc). Kids know when they are loved. [/quote]

*people[/quote]

I think it depends in large part on whether parents *had* to work or *chose* to work.  There's a world of difference.  People with parents who worked all hours to provide a better life for their kids are very different than parents who chose their ambitions over their kids.  Even in the latter, I know plenty of adults who respect and admire those parents, but they're not emotionally close to them.  To build on your examples above, it's hard to show positive emotions when your kid walks through the door when you aren't around when your did does walk through the door.

I think the work Lara Bazelon is incredibly important and appreciate that she does it.  And I also think there are trade-offs to choosing that kind of career over your kids, for men and women both.  You can have it all in terms of having that kind of career and having children, but the close relationship with them is hard to build.  Strong relationships are just as much about quantity as it is quality; those everyday moments matter.[/quote]

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