Reply to Separating after 20+ years married. Alimony?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have worked all but 2 years of my adult life but I think these anti alimony women are nuts.

Children need their parents time, not shoved off in daycare for 12 hours a day. That means one parent needs to step out of the full rat race. Either DHor I have worked PT since our child was born.

Many high earner men want SAHM wives until they get bored with them. SaHs contribute greatly to a family's well being. The working parent cant try to offload their spouse at almost 60 and get away with it.[/quote]

OP we.  This is my situation.  My higher earning DH just wants out. He’s tired of me. And as I’ve said before I did not SAH I was in the office or working remotely every day even when on vacation. I agree with the poster who said maybe I should sue for back wages. But I don’t want to be contentious. I just want to part ways but after all these years and at my age it’s not fair he can retire soon and I have to start all over. Unfortunately we don’t have much assets to split. We poured everything in the business. Which now is doing pretty well. He will continue to reap the steady flow of income and I’m left with very little in form of retirement account etc. [/quote]

Actually, it sounds like alimony would be counterproductive. Make him buy you out from the business. Start with the premise that it belongs to both of you because it does.

Seriously, you need to see a lawyer. You own 50% of that business - he can’t have it unless he buys you out. That’s not contentious, that’s reality. Also - if you weren’t part owner and a partner in the business - he was breaking all sorts of labor laws by not having you on the books and paying you at least minimum wage. Family businesses are exempt from a lot of regulation because they benefit the family, it’s not intended as a vehicle for modern day slavery.

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+1 And right now secure some assets so you can afford a lawyer. It's my understanding that in most states you should be able to draw upon joint assets to pay lawyers, but I know many people who get shut out of accounts by the main earner and then don't have money to pay a retainer to get a lawyer so they can't fight for access to joint assets and get completely screwed by a spouse who can afford the lawyer. [/quote]

OP, the immediate concern is making sure you have cash to survive until the divorce.

Even if your case is good  you could end up forced to settle for a tiny fraction of what you would otherwise because you have no more money for an attorney, you’re tapped out on credit and you need to buy groceries. The window for doing this closing rapidly so get going! Transfer money to an account YOU control, NOW!

How old are your children?

You need to plan how to survive the short term so you can be fine long term. Do not sacrifice your retirement and well being to avoid one bad year finalizing the divorce. The very nature of your situation shows you are not a contentious person - worked for the benefit of the family with nothing in your name, etc. I say this kindly, but from now on if you don’t stand up for yourself NOBODY else will. Your children don’t want to be caught in the middle. You are going to become very bitter if you sacrifice financial security for the rest of your life just so you can have a low conflict divorce. [/quote]

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