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[quote=Anonymous]OP seems to have disappeared.  Could it be that she has a modicum of shame?

A few things in case she reads again:

1) My 5 year old doesn’t do sleepovers, and I can’t really understand why you’d want your 4 or 7 year olds to do sleepover at that age, especially when you only have them two weeks a month!

2) is it true that you’re actually living in your DH’s house from his previous marriage?  I didn’t get that from your posts, but when i PP suggested it, wow, that makes the situation way worse if so.

3) I doubt that you are sincerely interested in making things better for your kids, since changing the custody schedule is the obvious first step but you are unwilling to give up having two weeks of honeymoon time a month, no matter how much it destroys your kids.

4) That said, again, adjusting your expectations is key.  You will NOT fit in socially with anyone who knew your DH’s old family.  No one.  That is not his ex’s fault; it’s yours for screwing her husband.  But there are lots of fish in the sea.  God is in meeting new people in the community who don’t know your history.  It’s possible.  But let go of blaming the ex.  It’s her business to share why her family was destroyed if she chooses to.

5) adjust your expectations of how much you will be accepted into your DH’s family.  Don’t expect much.  27 years later after their marriage, my mom’s family still thinks of my cousin’s 2nd wife as the home wrecker.  The sad thing is, he is actually WAYbhappier and healthier now than he ever was in his first marriage.  But their choice to selfishly savage his ex through infidelity rather than divorce first and take a longer time before marrying really hurt the kids we all love and nearly three decades of their marriage hasn’t erased that reality’s and never will.  But at this point we all are friendly to her.  Don’t expect anyone to forgive or forget.  But if you don’t further hurt his kids by being unreasonable or as selfish as you currently are, maybe some day they’ll be friendly to you and accept you in the family.  The difference I see though is that my cousin’s wife was incredibly lovingly to the children and never caused an issue or tried to override what wasn’t best for the kids after the marriage.  SHE knew she hasn’t hurt them and studiously avoided causing further  problems for them or the ex.  You are doing the exact opposite.  SINCe you are creating new wounds, you can’t expect them to heal.[/quote]

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