Reply to 12 year old hit nanny. WWYD?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Truly curious - for those that think the 12 yo should not suffer consequences for hitting an adult twice, what will you say when that child hits another child who retaliates in kind and possibly hurts the offender?  I have known children that don't start it but have no problem finishing when attacked.  Is the child that defends herself problematic and should be punished?  Is it ok that the offending dc finally faces the natural consequences of their violent behavior? [/quote]
It’s not about the consequences. Of course he should receive consequences.
But the more complicated piece of the equation is how to redo things so that his life is managed better and that things are more reasonable and suitable for him. You can’t just put someone in an impossible situation and then acted shocked and horrified when someone reacts badly.[/quote]

And how to teach him the skills of frustration tolerance, flexibility and emotional regulation that most kids learn naturally but ASD and ADHD kids often do not. You can’t expect someone to do something they don’t know how to do.[/quote]

It takes AS kids longer to learn these skills (and many others). [/quote]

[b]Well, parents with dc's that have these issues need to get on it sooner rather than later.  The world doesn't give 2 sh**s that your dc has problems regulating their emotions and will react to him/her accordingly. [b] For those parents that are making excuses and not getting help[/b], society will be a far harsher teacher for your dc.  I am certain it is difficult to parent in this situation but not facing reality isn't doing your child any favor.[/b][/quote]

x100000[/quote]

Nobody is making excuses. They are trying to explain to you why traditional punishments don’t work. That’s all.  I’m sure every special needs parent on this board has been working on everything for forever.[/quote]

Sounds like excuses when the response is, well what did the nanny do to cause his reaction. [/quote]

There are similar responses to a thread on the elementary forum about a neurotypical 1st grader who hit his mom, and multiple posters are saying that OP should let it go because he was tired, hungry, and was told he couldn't do something he wanted to do so it was understandable that he lashed out and hit his mom and OP shouldn't implement any consequences because they wouldn't be effective. Special needs or not, many parents just don't want to hold their kids accountable for their choices, even when the kid makes the choice to hit or otherwise hurt someone physically.  Sure, the consequence may look different for a kid with special needs than a neurotypical kid, but there need to be consequences nonetheless. [/quote]

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