Reply to How do you not feel guilty when spouse is working and you're not?

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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve learned to not feel guilty over things that men would not feel guilty over.

My DH often guilt tripped me after our DD was born that I wasn’t working and that the house wasn’t 100% spotless at all time. He would even intentionally not clean up his own messes because he figured I had nothing else to do all day. When DD was 6 months, I got a part time job (in the evenings/weekends, plus a couple hours from home each day) because he constantly complained I didn’t work. During the time I was working, DH sat at home doing nothing all day long. Didn’t clean, didn’t cook. I would get home at 8-9pm to a giant mess and he’d ask what I was going to make for dinner. He didn’t feel guilty about not cleaning or cooking, didn’t feel guilty that I was working close to 40 hours a week for a small fraction of his salary, didn’t feel guilty that I was expected to do all the housework and childcare despite working almost as much as he did, didn’t feel guilty that I was losing my mind from all the stress.

And it’s not just my DH. Most men do not feel guilty over their wants. I see men who don’t lift a finger when their parents visit and let the women do everything, men who ignore their family so they can play on their phone, men who trash the workplace because someone else will clean it up, men who would spend a week off from work doing nothing besides watch tv and play video games. Of course not all men are like this, but many are. Women are socialized to care about what others think and feel, men aren’t. Once I figured out men don’t feel guilty about these things, I decided I shouldn’t, either. [/quote]

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