Reply to Can a cheating husband still be a good parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The bigger question is can cheaters and scorned spouses actually evaluate their own role as a parent?

It seems like in a lot of households where cheating was the parents don’t even realize how aware their kids are of what is going on. [/quote]

+1.  My Ex lied about where he was to be with his AP.  Kids didn't know he was with the AP specifically, but they knew when he didn't show up for stuff and they could smell something was not on the up and up.

Cheaters are liars; they have to be to cardy out even a "discreet" affair.  When we sit up, I never told the kids about the cheating, but Ex still lies about his whereabouts and now that the kids are older, they know that he's lying to them.  He's no longer cheating on me.  He's just cheating on them - lying about being sick or having a work obligation or whatever so he can go out with his girlfriend instead of show up for visitation or the school play.  He thinks he can lie and get away with it, but the mask slips often enough.

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose....

The kids have really lost respect for him because of the lying. [/quote]

Why are you still with this man if he doesn't respect you nor the kids. You dont ger a trophy for looking the other way.[/quote]

For the sake of our kids, I gave him a second chance when I thought it was just 1 brief interaction, and if he agreed to therapy.  But, of course, he lied in therapy, and I found out there was more I did not know.  I ended things immediately.  I haven't been with him in over 10 years, but I am still tied to him theu the kids.

My point was, a leopard doesn't change his stripes.  Cheaters have fundamental character flaws.  The vast majority continue to behave in the same way - double lives, denial, lies, conflict avoidance and prioritizing appearances over reality - and it damages all of this in the cheater's inner orbit.

Many hope that a cheater can change and learn from the experience, but that is like finding a unicorn and even when it happens takes years of work. 
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