Reply to Can a cheating husband still be a good parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]A wife's or husband's infidelity and desire to divorce will hurt the children [/b]and demonstrate where their priorities lie.  They are choosing an affair partner, and their own happiness, over the stability and happiness of their children.   [/quote]

That’s not actually a law of physics. A parent constantly conflating an offense against her with an attack on the kids, however, might be unhealthy to grow up around.[/quote]

If the unfaitful/adulterous husband or wife chooses his or her happiness, and a relationshipaffair partner, over the stability and happiness of the children, that choice speaks for itself.  No editorializing is necessary.[/quote]

So if you leave a marriage not due to cheating but[i] because your spouse is emotionally and sexually unavailable[/i], [b]are you a bad parent for choosing your happiness over the happiness and stability of the children[/b]?[/quote]

I have heard so many unfaithful spouses over the years offer up as a justification the 'fact' that their "spouse [was] emotionally and sexually unavailable", or worse.  In some cases that is undoubtedly the truth, but in most instances I suspect the facts are an exaggeration ([i]e.g.[/i], "sexually unavailable" + "I want sex more than just 3 times/week.") offered as a [i]post hoc[/i] rationalization for their bad behavior.  The unfaithful spouse often exaggerates the shortcomings and faults of the spouse they wish to leave to the point of absurdity or outright lies.

As for your question, I think that when by default you choose to make one person ([i]i.e.[/i], yourself) "happy" at the risk or cost of making at least two, three, four, five, six or more other persons very unhappy - with potentially long-lasting and damaging consequences ([i]e.g.[/i], depression, trust issues, relationship troubles, underemployment, substance abuse, economic struggles) -- that, at best, reflects a questionable sense of ethics, morals, principles, and selflessness.  I will let others be the judge.

In the case of the previous poster who posited their unfaithful ex-spouse moving to some distant state to live with their affair partner, and leaving the children behind with no desire to remain near them or bring them along, I think that affirmatively does reflect an example of "bad parenting".  Surely the ex-spouse can find employment in the same city or area, and moving to some distant state removes their day-to-day, week-to-week, or even month-to-month involvement in their children's lives in a very meaningful and negatively impactful way.    [/quote]

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