Reply to MIL mad that we want to host Thanksgiving

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does your husband's mother still live in the home he grew up in? This could also be about gathering together in a place with many family memories.

And in regards to the post above about control, to be fair, that goes both ways. Sending invitations seven months in advance can also be seen as a way of controlling where everyone goes for Thanksgiving. 
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OP here. Yes, she still lives in that home. But rather the point is that my husband and I--and other members of the family--want to make some new memories and traditions.

Again, I'm only trying to control what we can control: we are hosting Thanksgiving in our own home. For the first time as a married couple, in seven YEARS. Others are welcome, and it would be lovely to have them, but even if they all end up at MIL's, that's fine with us. We are discontinuing our participation in an unfair dynamic that we dislike and frankly resent. We will still come to MIL's for some holidays, but not ALL, and others can do as they wish.[/quote]

It sounds like there is more going on then just wanting to have everyone at your house.  When you write about, "unfair dynamic that we dislike and frankly resent," it sounds as though you are unhappy to have to spend time with her. This might work out as a way to avoid her presence every other year if she decides to continue to have a Thanksgiving meal at her house.

On the alternate years, does your family typically have dinner at your house?
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We do generally get along. We visit, she visits, we vacation together, and calls/FaceTime every weekend. Please don't try to make it about more than it's about.

But you know what, it's OK to be frustrated about a frustrating dynamic: that we like to cook and host, we want to make those memories in our home, and in seven years of marriage--averaging about two holidays per year with each "side" of the family--we have been "allowed" to host ONE Easter. That is one holiday out of roughly 14, OK? For people who like to cook and host and have overnight guests, that is a frustrating dynamic. I'm not upset that she sent us a gift or complimented my lipstick; I'm frustrated about a frustrating dynamic, and I have every right to my feelings. Not to mention we have only celebrated birthdays at my BIL/SIL's house. They, too, have a lovely home and are good hosts and cooks, and I know for a fact they actively want a turn hosting, too.

And to your other point: when it's "my family's" turn, we all rotate hosting--with my parents, my aunt, and my sister/her family. It's balanced, and everyone is both a great guest and a great host. It's about sharing, and enjoying each other's hospitality and company, and being together.[/quote]

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