Reply to DW work is impacting our marriage - looking for advice from the smart people of DCUM

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Comparing his first 7 years to her last 3 years isn't apples to oranges. He had the entire financial burden of the family to carry. That's not to blame her -- she was doing her part by maintaining the home front. But the fact is that she's not confronting a similar financial situation when making decisions about how to balance work and family. [/quote]

No one needs half a million dollars to live on. OP could be making half that much and they could be quite comfortable. I doubt anyone just threw an extra $250k at him for the heck of it, he made that additional money because he worked harder than he needed to. So let's not pretend OP didn't choose to absent himself from the family more than necessary during those years to pursue his professional ambitions. Go ahead and call his wife out if you disagree with her choices, but at least hold OP to the same standard.[/quote]

My husband makes twice what op makes and is home for dinner most every night.  It is very possible.[/quote]

How nice for you all. OP isn't claiming he was able to do the same while working his way up. He admits he didn't.[/quote]

No, he didn't, you have decided that.  He said he was present more than she is now, but less than he is currently. You must have some serious marital issues that you are proecting on others.

In most normal functioning two parent homes, both parents are home for the majority of meals with kids on weeknights.  [/quote]

Per OP, on his prior work effort/schedule:

"[She] supported me through my career which directly allowed me to put all my energy into my work." [i]What energy went to the wife and kids if everything went into work?[/i]

"I traveled a lot for work[.]" [i]When you travel a lot for work, you also miss a lot of family meals.[/i]

"The root of the problem is that there is no time for communication when DW comes home and is tired. All she wants to do is veg (watch videos on her phone) and de-compress. I get it. I've been there too." [i]So when he was the one coming home tired after a long work day, he also jut wanted to veg by himself instead of entertaining his wife.[/i]

I'm not actually criticizing OP for the work schedule he maintained before, only the hypocrisy of acknowledging he did all of this while he was building his career at her expense (after all, he said she always planned to go back to work because she loves what she does) while resenting the fact that it's her turn now and instead wanting her to make more sacrifices for him. When does everything stop being about OP? It's not like he's even claiming this is having a negative impact on the kids, she may see them less but he says she still gives them all of her energy when she's home (remember, that was one of the complaints). He only cares that he's not getting laid more than once a week and she doesn't stroke his ego enough for handling a portion of the household management that she used to manage exclusively.[/quote]

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