Reply to Can you bounce back from being bad-mouthed to spouse's friends?

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Reply to "Can you bounce back from being bad-mouthed to spouse's friends?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you. You are so kind.  I really appreciate it.  I wish you were my spouse.  It's been so hard and I don't get what I did.[/quote]

This is meant kindly. You married a person who is not a team player and not on your side. Having a team orientation toward your spouse and family is really the only path to a successful marriage. He can learn it. It's going to take a lot of work. It's his work to do though, not yours. These are his lies and his amends to make.[/quote]

I know.  I just don't think he'll do it.  He said he would send the emails if I drafted them, or write letters if I told him what to write, but he's not going to talk to his friends in person. He says that I'm making it a bigger deal than it needs to be and I'm just going to make people feel uncomfortable.  I think he wants a letter where he doesn't specifically address lies, but just tells truths, like "DW is a great mom and great wife -- here's our family trip picture."  But, of course all these people are on FB, so some of that, they must already be seeing.

Starting this thread has reopened the wound that I thought was healing, though, too.  I'm not a person with low self-esteem, or at least, I don't think I am.  I try to be very fair and trusting in the relationship, especially because I'm naturally a bit jealous, so I work to listen and ignore my own gut.  And, now I ended up in this mess, and just feel like I must have done something wrong in a prior lifetime.  I feel like I lost all my self-esteem in the past couple weeks.
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OP, can you read what you wrote?  Your husband doesn't give a shit that he hurt you.  He's not willing to do any work to make his friends like you.  It is never going to get better, either the way he talks about you or the way his friends think about you.  You seriously need to wake up to this.[/quote]

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